Over Exposed
by ilovekc
Summary: The team learn the true meaning of family when Sara is attacked at a crime scene.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A.N. – Forgive my spelling mistakes as well as my grammar. Also for some reason I can't seem my tenses the same…so I apologize a head of time. _

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter One**

Groaning, Sara Sidle managed to knock the offending noise off her bedside table. The cell phone landed with a sickening thwack, ending its annoying song. With a bit of struggle the brunette forced her eyes open, blinking against the pounding in her head. Not for the first time she had fleeting thoughts of never consuming alcohol in such large quantities and possibly never again. After a moment her senses seemed to return reminding her why she was awake in the first place. Listlessly the CSI managed to roll unceremoniously out of bed and into the hard floor below, causing a sharp pain to resonate through her hip.

"Fuck…" Rubbing the rapidly swelling bruise with one hand the other searched for her wayward phone. Muttering obscenities as she managed to pull the mobile open and find that once again she was being called in on her day off. In the past she would have been all to happy to have an excuse to go to work, if nothing more than the fact that it kept her mind off of her actual life. Today, however, the young CSI wanted nothing more to never see the crime lab again.

It had been a week since the explosion in the lab, which was reason enough to avoid work, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Her real problem was Gil Grissom, or as she liked to think of him, her tormentor. Some how the "bugman" had managed to worm his way in to her heart and consume it with no regard to the pain it caused. It's bad enough to be turned down for the "dinner" she asked him to, but to ignore her completely since the episode was nothing short of a twist of the proverbial knife in her heart.

She wasn't sure what she expected when she asked him out, it most defiantly was not his reference to "this"; of course she assumed he would say "yes". You don't ask someone out expecting a "no", but at least a straight out "no" would have been better than what occurred. At the very least she was expecting him to be professional about the situation, this was Gil Grissom after all and nothing deterred him from his work, and the importance of the job. A job that Sara happened to work as well, although you wouldn't know she worked with him at the moment. Somehow he had managed to avoid her at every turn, not that she was seeking him out mind you, she did have a bit of pride left in her. Not much, but enough to want to avoid embarrassment.

A shrill ring brought her out of her thoughts. "Sidle." She flipped the phone open.

"Sara, its Catherine…" as if she didn't recognize the voice on the other end. "…listen we have a pretty big crime scene out here, at least 4 D.B.s so far and quite a few animal carcasses thus far. We're going to need the entire team on this, hate to do this…" Sara rolled her eyes. "…but we need you to come in, the guys are already here."

"Yeah, okay, just give me a second to get dressed." Sara scribbled the address down and hung up. Sighing, she managed to down a couple Tylenol to help ease her head and rolling stomach. Snatching her keys she locked up and made her way to the scene.

"She coming?"

"Of course she is Gil, the woman lives for work. I'm surprised she isn't already here, no doubt she heard it on the scanner." Catherine rolled her eyes. "I don't understand why you didn't call her."

"I'm a bit busy." Grissom gestured toward the decomposing body and the plethora of maggots and bugs trying to consume it.

Glaring at the older CSI, she jerked her kit up. "I'm sure that's the only reason." She snapped. The blonde knew it was something more than that, she wasn't sure what, but she and the rest of the nightshift could tell that the two CSI's couldn't stand to be in the same room together. It was putting quite a strain on the rest of the team; and it was beginning to be a bit too uncomfortable for her. Catherine assumed it was something Sara had done; Grissom and she had been friends for years, so she had of course noticed the difference in his interactions with the young CSI from San Francisco right away. The brunette just seemed to have an effect on Grissom, more than she liked to admit. At first it seemed harmless, but now the relationship was strained at best, and it was more likely to be the actions of Sara and her emotions than of Gil. Sighing she shook her head and started processing her own D.B.

Jim Brass approached the working CSI's. Gil and Catherine where processing the back of the house and Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes are processing the front of the house, clearing his throat he asked, "Is it human?"

Warrick sighed and rubbed his forearm across his head. "Yeah."

"So the perp decided to paint the room in blood." Brass glanced down at the crimson stained paint roller before shifting his eyes to the crusty brown walls.

"Looks like." Nick bagged a brush. "What I don't understand is how a person can do something like this…I mean killing someone is one thing, but to decorate your house…"

"I know, it's like something out of a horror flick." Warrick interrupted.

The abandoned house was on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't necessarily falling apart on the outside, although the dead dry grass and old cars in the yard did make it an eyesore. Still the home itself had obviously been loved at some point in time, the little repairs and upkeep was signs that at some point someone cared enough to not let it wither away in the desert heat. It was pure chance that the crime scene was stumbled upon in the first place. A wayward motorist had a blow out and was changing his tire when the putrid smell caught him off guard. At first he ignored it thinking it a dead animal carcass, which it was along with at least four human corpses, until a shift in the wind caused him to vomit and prompted him to call for help.

"So where am I needed?" Sara stood in the doorway kit in hand.

"Hey girl!" Nick smiled. "I was surprised you weren't the first one here."

"It's my night off." Sara snapped a bit harsher than intended, after all she did have a hang over.

"Never stopped you before." He smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"Grissom and Catherine have the back and we have the front, so I guess that leaves you with the perimeter." Warrick pointed out.

"Sure." She re-gripped her kit and stepped back out into the cool night air. Not that it brought her any relief of the stifling house, the smell of decomposition was as strong outside as it was in. She would have to pick up some lemons on her way home. Placing her kit down, Sara nodded to a uniformed officer and tugged on a pair of gloves. Retrieving her flashlight, she began processing the outside. It took about an hour to finally reach the back of the house.

The backyard held two rusted out vehicles, evidently from the 70's. Thus far she had found little evidence outside of the house, but had stumbled across a set of footprints that appeared to be leading away from the house and toward the chain link fence that separated the home from the desert. Following the steps around the first rusted car, she looked up in time to see a shovel collide heavily against her head. Without even a whimper in protest her world became dark.

Pain. It was the first think that she became aware of. Her head was pounding and black spots dancing before her eyes. Moaning she tried to move her hand to wipe at the warm stickiness on her face, when she became aware of a heaviness on top of her and the fact that her hands are being pinned above her head. Blinkingly she tried to focus her eyes.

"Rise and shine sweetheart."

Panic started to seep in and she realized that a man was on top of her, his putrid breath inches from her ear. How had she not noticed that before; than again how had she not noticed the cloth stuffed in her mouth stifling her breathing. Wide eyed and as awake as adrenaline would allow someone with a concussion, she noticed she had been dragged away from the house and outside of its yard.

"Couldn't have them finding you too fast sweetheart." The man whispered before he ran his tongue across her jaw.

Shuddering, Sara began struggling against her captor. Her face turning away from his, she managed to see the lights from the house in the distance. Kicking out with her legs, and forcing her knee into his groin, she tried pushing him off long enough to make a run for it; but after a few moments of struggling she felt exhausted and her consciousness was slipping.

"Now…now…sweetheart, stay awake for me. I want you to feel every bit of this." His words had the desired effect, because once again she began to struggle against him. He began ripping her shirt open with one hand all the while keeping her wrists painfully pinned with his other.

She cried out against the cloth when she felt him bite down on her breasts hard enough to draw blood. She began struggling harder against him, forcing all of her energy into trying to buck him off. Sara quickly realized that it was only causing him to become more aroused, when she felt his hard length pressing into her stomach. While still biting at her chest, his hand began to unbutton her pants and roughly tugging them off her hips. Without warning she felt his hand thrusting in her dry channel, tearing her. Sara bent by her scream, her breathing ragged, she shut her eyes tightly.

"I need a little lubricant sweetheart…wouldn't want to chafe." He stated as he brought his bloody hand up and unzipped his own pants. Using her blood he slicked himself up and shoved into her.

Sara groaned out in pain and shock, some how pulling one of her wrist free she weakly attempted to push at his chest. Startled, her rapist punched her in the head a couple times, before recapturing her wrist. Against her dizziness she heard a crack and felt her wrist go numb, fleetingly the thought drifted in that it was likely broken and would hinder her on the field.

"You're so tight sweetheart…so tight." He whispered against her ear as he came inside her, before again licking the side of her face. She tried to move her face away but it resulted in her feeling nauseous and before she could stop it she was sick all over herself and him.

"You fucking whore!" He grimaced as he punched at her head again and rolled off of her. Swiping the vomit off his face he kicked her a few times in the ribs and abdomen, causing a few groans of protest and the sound of shattering ribs. Feeling quite sick himself, he brought his foot down once more on her head, and Sara saw no more.

"You guys done up here?" Catherine motioned to the two CSI's.

"Yeah, we are just finishing up." Nick stowed the rest of his kit. "You and Grissom need any help back there?"

"No we got it." Catherine motioned toward her own packed kit.

"So I guess its back to the lab."

"Sara should be done with the perimeter by now." Warrick pointed out. "I'll go see if she needs any help." Gathering the rest of the evidence he went outside to store it in the back of his Tahoe. "Hey Brass, you seen Sara?"

The older man turned away from the uniform. "Last time I saw her she was making her way out back." Brass nodded toward the yard. "You guys finished? "

"We have wrapped up the interior. I'm going to go see if Sara needs some help." Warrick grabbed his kit and made his way to the back of the house. The desert sun was beginning to raise shedding some much needed light and reminding him that it would most likely be another double for the nightshift. He only hoped that Sara had managed to finish up out back, because he was eager to get the smell of decomposition off of him. Rounding the house he was worried when he didn't spot the CSI right off. Shrugging he walked toward the first vehicle.

"Sara." He called out for her as he rounded the vehicle. He spotted her open kit on the ground along with a few bags of evidence and her lit flashlight. Searching the ground he saw a small puddle of blood under a old rusted and stained shovel. Panicked he called louder. "Sara!?!"

His scream brought Brass running into the back yard followed closely by the uniform as well as a panicked looking Nick.

"Sara!?!" He screamed again crossing the yard to look behind the second rusted out vehicle. He saw no signs of her besides the obvious struggle at the first vehicle.

The commotion had brought out the rest of the nightshift, and they gathered around Sara's kit and the first vehicle. Brass turned to the uniform.

"Did you clear the yard?" He bellowed.

"I swept it…" The young officer stammered.

"What about the vehicles?"

"I swept it…"

"Call for back up and an ambulance." He shoved the kid toward the front and turned to the pale and shocked CSI's. "No car has come and gone, she's can't be far."

Grissom immediately began to rein in his panic. Now was not the time to let emotions get in the way, he needed to be clear headed and in charge. "Follow the evidence. There must be a trail of blood."

The CSI's where grateful the sun had come up, making their search that much easier. The trail was short but it led out of the yard and toward the flat desert. Squinting against the sun, the five of them spotted a huddled shape on the ground a 100 yards or so away. Taking off as one, they raced toward the mass all of them sending their own prayers up.

Nick's speed pushed him ahead and he arrived at the battered body first. Dropping to his knees in shock, tears already falling he looked down at the bloody body. "Sara…" he choked out.

Sara's body was curled slightly on her right side. Her pants and torn underwear held onto her feet by her boots, covered in blood and dirt. Her torso bruised and battered had a few remnants of her torn shirt as well as unmistakable vomit and blood. Her right eye stared fixed and blank ahead; her left eye swollen shut. He face was covered in blood and vomit as well as her matted hair. Nick felt sick.

"Oh God…" Catherine covered her mouth, tears springing to her eyes. "Is she…"

Cautiously, Warrick dropped to his knees and grasped her obviously broken right wrist. It felt so cold, and lifeless. Holding his breath he searched for a pulse after a moment of not finding one, his panic set in. Jerking his hand from Sara's wrist her thrust it toward her neck, hoping to find a pulse.

The quick motion of Warrick's arm caused a reaction from the huddled form. Although Sara's eyes remained blank her body shifted and curled tightly into its self.

"Oh my God…" Warrick fell back on his hands and scrambled to his feet. "Where is the EMT's?

"Sara?" Grissom approached the injured woman. Sara once again looked as if she was dead; her eye still blank and fixed, her body unmoving. "Sara can you hear me?"

No reaction.

Grissom warily moved his hand toward her, wanting to check her pulse and insure that she was truly alive. "I'm just going to check you pulse." He voice was soothing as he continued moving his hand toward her neck, Sara again reacted. Her body curled in impossibly tighter and she drew her knees up to her chin, effectively hiding her neck.

"Stop Grissom." Catherine pulled the supervisor back. "You're scaring her."

Grissom stood. "What is the ETA on the medics?"

"Ten minutes at the most." Brass stood off to the side. He couldn't look at the strong woman he had come to know so exposed and injured. "I'll bring them here." He took off back toward the house.

Catherine glanced at the still figure below her. "Guys back up…I'm going to try." Swallowing the bile in her throat, and putting on her professional façade, the blonde dropped down slowly next to her injured friend. "Sara…" She spoke softly. "I need you to let us see where you are hurt." She tried to make her voice as soothingly and steady as possible. Sara continued to appear dead and blank. "I'm just going to touch your hand."

Sara's left hand and arm was falling behind her curled back. Her shoulder was obviously dislocated and it wouldn't do any good to check the pulse there. Her right hand was sticking out below her huddled knees, against the rough ground. It was the one Warrick had checked before. Slowly Catherine brushed her hand against Sara's fingers. Holding her breath and receiving no reaction, she managed to grasp the wrist to check for a pulse. Letting out her breath she was relieved to find a steady pulse, although much slower than she would have liked. "Sara, I'm going to brush your hair out of your face, so I can see your injuries…okay?" Receiving no response, Catherine pushed the offending hair away from Sara's face, barely brushing the bruised and bloody cheek. Sara moaned in protest, her body began shake. Fearful of shock setting in, Catherine tried to sooth the shaking form with her voice. Surprised when the tremors turned into a full blown seizure and Sara's blank eye rolled back into her head, Catherine called out. "Help me!"

"Uncurl her Nick!" Grissom yelled as he turned her to her back and held her head, trying to keep her from swallowing her tongue. His instincts took over, his body poised to turn her face to keep her from also chocking on her vomit. Sara's naked body continued to jerk and shake forcing vomit up and out.

Within moments the EMT's arrived and began to administer urgent care. The CSI's stepped back as they watched their friend fight for her life. Sara was rushed into the waiting ambulance and was gone before any of them had thought to ride with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – Someone pointed out that Catherine had been on a two week suspension, something I forgot, so forgive me for the mistake. I'm sure I'll make many more, especially since I have written to far ahead to fix it now. Thanks for the reviews, they encourage me!_

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Two**

_A young brown haired girl sat curled up in her closet. Her left arm and clavicle was broken and she cradled it gingerly with her right hand. Her young body shivered in its undress, pressing itself further into the darkest corner. She couldn't have been more than six, and sadly it was not the first or last time she would seek her escape in the corner of this particular closet. _

_Peering at the bottom of the door, the child watched the shadows move and flutter in the light. The shadowed feet seemed to move with urgency and a since of need, but none of the offending shadows moved toward the shut closet door. Something that young Sara Sidle was grateful for. The closet was her only safety, it provided no warmth, and no relief from the pain her little body was in, but it kept the shadows out. She couldn't let the shadows into the dark closet, the shadows wanted nothing more than to cause more pain and hurt to her battered body. So biting pack a whimper she curled poised against the corner watching the shadows under the door. There would be no rest for her._

A quite and subdued group of the crime lab's nightshift huddled together wearily in the surgical waiting room. Various forms of pain and sadness was displayed on all their pale and shocked faces. They all had the same thoughts running through their head…"_How? Why?"_ However it was not something they would get to answer. The reasoning was out of their hands and in the hands of the dayshift; despite their protest at the scene they understood why it was important for them to be hands off.

"Did you call her parents?" Catherine turned to Grissom.

"She doesn't have them as her contact, just the crime lab." Grissom felt the collective room pull in a berated breath and all eyes shift to him. "I…ahhh…I stopped by the lab and got her file, her parents are listed as deceased." His voice caught for a moment but he gathered it under control and steeled his determination. "I didn't know."

After a tense moment everyone assumed that no one knew that Sara had no family. They had known that she never spoke of her family or friends for that matter, but chalked it up to her being a private person. No one had thought to ask.

"She has a brother." Grissom mumbled. "He's not mentioned in her file, I don't know his name, but she had mentioned him once in passing."

Nick looked up. "We'll find him. It's the least we can do." He turned to Warrick who nodded his agreement. "We'll go to the lab, do a general search on her parents and locate her sibling." With that the two men left the waiting room.

"I'll help; a detective might come in handy." Brass muttered as he departed eager to do something.

Catherine turned to the only quite occupant in the room. Greg Sanders sat in his wheel chair, despite his sore and burnt back, and against his doctor's orders. His wept quietly in the corner, the lamp casting a shadow on his face. The lab rat was still in the hospital recovering from the explosion Catherine had inadvertently caused. "Greg…would you like to go back to your room, maybe get some rest?"

Greg shook his head in the negative and stared down at his hands.

"It could be hours Greg, you need to rest…" Catherine started.

"No." Greg chocked out. "I am not leaving."

"Okay." Catherine forced out a reassuring smile, despite her own fears. It had been two hours since Sara had been brought in, and they had yet to hear back from the doctor. She shifted her site to the tense figure beside her. Grissom hadn't said much since they have arrived, besides the few statements on Sara's family. Her heart ached a bit more looking at her old friend. She had always suspected that Gil had a soft spot for Sara; at one time she thought that he may have even loved the younger CSI in his own way. "Hey…you okay?"

Grissom slowly looked up at one of his best friends. "I should go help Nick and Warrick."

"No you need to be here." Catherine placed her hand on his arm stopping him from standing. "The doctor will talk to you because of your supervisor role; we need you to find out what is going on." She was more than a little surprised that she seemed to be keeping her head about the situation so far. When she had first saw Sara she was sure the brunette was dead, and for all intensive purposes Sara could still die. Despite their past bickering with the younger woman, she did like her. Women are just naturally territorial; at least that is what she told herself at every jib she threw at Sara. It was too late for regret, but she did promise herself to not let her own jealousy get in the way of being Sara's friend. She would try harder.

The doctor finally entered the waiting room. He hated delivering bad news, and after a case like this, nothing he could say would be considered good news. He cleared his throat. "Ms. Sidles's family?"

Gil and Catherine stood up, Catherine unconsciously placing her hand in his. He gripped it tightly holding on for dear life. Greg also looked up, a pained expression on his wet face.

"How is she?" Grissom spoke much more calmly than he felt.

The doctor sighed and ran his hands roughly through his graying hair. "Ms. Sidle was a mess when she came in. The EMT did a fairly good job of stabilizing her in route, but she had a lot of internal damage." He took a deep breath and look pointedly at the man before him. "Besides the obvious cuts and bruises, she suffered a broken left arm and dislocated shoulder, a broken right wrist, and a broken pelvic bone. That is a likely result from being pinned during the sexual assault." Everyone's face took on a pained expression. They of course had known that Sara was raped, that much had been obvious, but to hear it stated out loud was painful. "She had three broken ribs, which punctured her left lung causing it to collapse. That is why we have her on the respirator, at this point in time she can not breathe on her own. We had to crack her chest to repair a tear in her aorta. I'm not sure how she survived long enough to get here. A piece of bone had splinter off her ribs and caused a bit of damage internally, not to mention the fact her organs had been kicked in. We partially removed her spleen and a piece of her liver. Her kidney's seemed to be fine, which we are very grateful for. The risk of infection is high; we had her open for a long time so we have her on a course of preventative medicines. Her head injury is a great concern for us. At this point her brain is swelling and she is in a coma. We are not sure when or if she will awake, but she does have higher brain function. We repaired the gashes in her head and face with stitches, but had to drill a whole in her head in order to relieve the pressure. Her eyes appear to be okay, they are both reactive, but her orbital bone is broken. She lost three teeth in the back on her right side; your assailant is likely left handed. Her nose is broken, but it has been set, and luckily there is just bruising on her jaw. During x-ray we did notice some unusual things. Ms. Sidle had quite a few old signs of fracture and breaks throughout her body, some even radial. She was more than likely abused at some point in the past, and hopefully who ever did this is not still in the picture." A collective gasp went around the room, and the doctor took a deep breath. "There is more. She was assaulted with both an object, more than likely a hand, as well as having penal penetration. We were able to recover semen, which was delivered to the CSI that is processing her now." He took another deep breath and continued. "We repaired the tears on her vaginal walls, which is where we noticed multiple instances of scarring. This was not her first assault, which is another reason we think that Ms. Sidle has a history of abuse."

"What?" Catherine gasped.

"I would look into it, make sure no one is hurting her still, or that whoever did in her past isn't the one who repeated it." The doctor pointed out. "She is in critical condition and the next few days will be touch and go. I am surprised she has made it this far, but Ms. Sidle seems to be a stubborn person." He tried to give a half-hearted smile.

"She is." Grissom stated.

"You can see her after the nurses get her settled. They will take you, but only one of you for now." The doctor than nodded and left the room, allowing the occupants to let all the information sink in.

"Gil do you think that someone followed her to the scene and…" Catherine began.

"We let the evidence speak Catherine, we do not make assumptions." Grissom let go of Catherine's hand. "I'm going to go help the guys with finding her brother."

"What about…"

"You go. She won't be afraid of you."

"She's in a coma Gil, she won't even know. You should go, she would want you."

"No. Trust me; I am the last person she wants." His pained expression showed that he honestly believed it.

"Okay."

Grissom turned and left the room. There was nothing more he could do at the hospital, but he was going to find out who had hurt Sara in the past and he was going to make them pay.

"I'll go." Greg spoke up.

Catherine turned a sad look on her face. "You can't Greg; your back could bring in bacteria and risk an infection. I'm sorry." She placed a hand on his shuttering shoulder. "Do you want me to take you to your room before I see her?"

"No. I'll manage. Go to her, I don't want her to be alone anymore."

She nodded and left the room in search of a nurse. It didn't take long and before she was ready she was being led into the ICU and the glassed off room of Sara Sidle. Tubes and lines came out of various parts of her body. The equipment seemed to swallow the small woman up in the bed. Catherine wiped her eyes and gently reached out and took Sara's left hand awkwardly. The cast on both her arms prevented her from properly holding it. She gave it a gentle squeeze and searched through the black and blue marks on her face for a sign that the face was really Sara and not a piece of hamburger.

"Hey Sara, I heard you put up quite a fight." Catherine took a shuttering breath. The steady beeping of the machines and the whooshing of the respirator reminding her that Sara was still alive and fighting.

"How is she?" Warrick looked up as Grissom entered the lab. He and Nick had been searching Sara's records for the last hour.

"Critical." His voice was firm and hard, putting a stop to anymore questions. "What about her brother."

"Nothing, it's like he doesn't exist." Nick stated. "Brass went to the station to see what he could look up. As far as we can tell Sara's parents, Daniel and Laura Sidle have only one child, a female born on September 16, 1971 in Tamales Bay. Sara Sunshine Sidle. Did you know her middle name was Sunshine?" Nick couldn't help but grin, as he tucked that piece of information away in the recesses of his mind. He'd have fun teasing her when she was well.

"Of course I did, it's in her record." Grissom snapped.

Warrick interrupted. "Well we are just getting ready to look at the death certificates of her parents." Trying to bring the groups attention back to the computer screen and prevent an argument. "Let's see…father died in 1984 of…multiply stab wounds. He bled out."

"He was murdered?" Nick asked shocked.

"Looks like…and guess who killed him." Warrick clicked on a link to an article. "Sara's mother and it appears Sara witnessed the whole thing." He pointed to the screen.

The three men read the article of the screen, each one cringing as the information they was gathering. No wonder Sara never spoke of her family. The article briefly mentioned the history of abuse at the small Bed & Breakfast. Citing that both mother and daughter have had extensive stays and visits at the local hospital over the last ten years. It gave a short summary of the trial and mentioned how the thirteen year old was required to give eye witness testimony against her mother, resulting in a the latter's conviction for murder one. The young Sara Sidle was made a ward of the State of California and Laura Sidle was sentenced to life in prison. Warrick found a follow up article from a month later; Laura Sidle had committed suicide three weeks into her sentence.

"How can she keep this locked inside?" Nick turned to the other two. "Why doesn't she talk to us about it, tell us?"

"Maybe she has already dealt with it Nick." Warrick pointed out.

"What about the brother, he was never mentioned." Grissom stated as he swallowed the lump in his throat. How could he have not known about this? He should have seen the signs and protected her. "Neither article mentioned a brother."

"Maybe she doesn't have a brother." Warrick stated.

"No she does. She mentioned how she found some marijuana once in her brother's room, and how she thought it was a bag of dirt. She said when she showed her parents and they freaked; Sara said she had never seen her brother so mad before."

Warrick thought for a moment. "Could have been referring to a foster brother…possibly she was adopted as well."

Nick nodded in agreement. "Give us a bit more time; see what we can dig up."

"Find him, find someone." Grissom couldn't tell them one of the reasons he wanted to find the brother was to confirm that her parents was the past abuser, no matter how awful that was. He couldn't bear to think that Sara continued to suffer abuse while in the system, how one person could take so much and be as strong as she is.

_A young Sara continued to stare at the shadow beyond her closet door. The same shadow had been standing there for a while now, murmuring too quietly for the little girl to make out. Occasionally another shadow would float past the door causing a moment of pain and occasionally relieve from he aching body. She had shifted to a laying position against the far wall in an attempt to provide her battered form a moment of reprieve. It helped little, but her knees was aching and if felt better to stretch out. _

_Something about the consistent shadow against the door brought her a sense of familiarity. She viewed the shadow as a guard of sorts, and felt that if necessary this particular shadow would protect her; especially if the other shadows decided to come in. She still did not feel safe enough to allow her body to get some much needed rest, but it did bring a sense of comfort to her. She would just have to wait to see if she was right about the shadow, she had been wrong before, and did not want a repeat her mistakes._

"Her records are sealed." Brass entered the CSI break room and addressed the three men. "Did you know she was in the system?"

"We just found out, she never told us." Nick stated as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Well I pulled some strings and managed to get this." Jim Brass dropped a file on the table. "It's not pretty."

Grissom took the folder and quickly skimmed through it. "Eight homes in five years?"

"Yeah she bounced around quite a bit." Brass grimaced. "She didn't appear to be a troublemaker, but she seemed to find it all the same."

"The system in the 80's was not exactly on top of things." Grissom pointed out. "Someone had to make an impact on her, she referred to a brother. Maybe she found at least one connection."

"None I could find out, the only reference to a foster brother in her record was an Anthony Sparks. He is briefly mentioned in her first home. Other than that she appeared to have been placed in homes requesting a singe child."

"What did you find on Anthony Sparks?" Nick asked; he knew that Brass would have already gathered what he could.

Brass sat heavily in his chair. "He's not exactly an up standing citizen. He's serving time in a California State Prison as we speak for armed robbery. He also has a sealed juvenile record. I doubt Sara has contact with him."

"So that's it." Warrick sighed. "Doesn't matter, she has us."

"Brass, I want to talk to this Anthony Sparks." Grissom needed some answers, and maybe this criminal could clear up a few things in regard to Sara's past abuse.

"Why?" Nick asked.

Grissom shut the break room door and motioned to the table for them to sit down. Taking a deep breath he began to explain everything the doctor had told him at the hospital, including the mention of her past physical and sexual abuse. He felt briefly guilty for sharing something Sara had guarded so privately, but he knew that she needed family to support her and he needed answers.

"Shit…" Warrick rubbed his face in frustration. "Damn."

Brass and Nick set in a stunned silence. Neither appeared to be breathing, both was too shocked.

"I need to know if the bastard who had sexually assaulted her isn't the same man from tonight. I did a brief search in my office and Sara hasn't pressed any charges against anyone previously as an adult. So I am assuming it happened when she was underage and the record is sealed or…"

"Was it…her…Dad?" Nick questioned.

"I don't know, but we find out. We will protect her." Grissom was tired, he wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. He wanted to forget the last day, he wanted to forget that Sara's past was so horrible, and more importantly he wanted to forget how dead she looked when they found her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – My having forgot Catherine's suspension comes up again, so I apologize again._

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Three**

It had been three days since they have found Sara at the crime scene. There had been no change in her status good or bad, and Catherine had used some of her vacation time to spend her days with Sara and her nights with Lindsey. The guys had filled her in about Sara's past or at least what they have been able to gather. Catherine had been understandably upset and shocked to hear what the younger woman had been through. It also went a long way in better understanding Sara. And why certain cases seem to cause such a reaction in her. She had never known how alone in the world Sara was.

Greg had been released from the hospital and was staying with Nick while he continued to heal. He had planned to head back to his parents, but wanted to be near Sara. The lab rat was still unable to visit her, at least until he finishes the rest of the antibiotics he was on for his infection. None of the other guys had been allowed to visited either, the doctor limited the visits to just Catherine while Sara remained in ICU. It was important to keep foot traffic on the floor to a minimum, so the group agreed that Catherine was the best choice to stay with Sara. They did not want her to be frightened if she woke, and was unsure of how she would react to a male presence over her.

Brass managed to set up an interview with Sara's ex-foster brother; he and Grissom had finally made it to the prison.

Grissom stared across the glass at Anthony Sparks. The younger man appeared fairly unremarkable; his hair was visibly thinning and could have passed as an accountant if he didn't have a tattoo of a cross on his neck. He was relatively thin and had a few indications of past drug abuse. He could not have passed for Sara's real brother. Where Sara had dark hair and eyes, the convict was blonde with green eyes.

"I've never even been to Vegas man…" Anthony spat out. "Don't know why the Vegas PD is interested in me."

"I'm not a cop; I work for the crime lab." Grissom stated crossly. People just couldn't seem to understand that the crime lab and the police station are separate. "I'm here to ask you about Sara Sidle."

"I already served time for that, you can't hold it against me man, besides I was a kid. I repaid my debt."

"What are you referring to?"

"Look I tell you what I told them than. I ain't a rat. Besides statues of limitation should be up, it has to be twenty years." Anthony shouted into the phone.

"Others?" The pieces began to fall in place for Grissom. "You raped her."

"I was a kid…15! I was in until I was 18! Three years I served for what happened, more than I would get now as an adult considering the circumstances. I didn't know she didn't want it, I was fucked up man. They said she wanted it, besides I was the last one to have a go…I just thought she was tired, I didn't know!"

"How many? No names…just how many?" He wasn't sure he really did want to know, but the investigator in him was compelled to ask.

"At least 5 counting me; she had gotten me in trouble with the foster parents, they were removing me; sending me to a group home. I was angry and complained to some of my older friends about it. I know she was new in the system, but damn she should have known not to be a rat. It wasn't my idea, hell I don't even know how she got there, I was so fucked up. I paid for it; can't you fuckers let it go?" Anthony yelled.

Grissom hung up his phone and left. He didn't speak to Brass for the entire trip back, and like a true friend Brass never asked what was said. The detective had a pretty good idea of what the brief discussion had contained, and would rather not know the details. When he dropped his friend of at his house he lifted a questioning eyebrow. Grissom in turn nodded his head in the affirmative. Everything else was a mute point.

_

* * *

Sara was tired. She had been watching the door for what felt like days. She needed to rest, she needed to sleep. Her body ached. The comforting shadow seemed to spend a lot of time sitting against the door, although she also noticed that the shadow would be gone for brief periods of time as well. The other shadows came and went, but none seemed to try to breach the safety of her door. Sara felt more secure in her hideaway, and was tempted to pass out just from near exhaustion. Something told her that sleeping would be a bad thing, something she wouldn't be able to come back from. So she fought against the blackness trying to consume her._

_She had decided that if her protector came back she would open the door for her. Her shadow may be from the same place as the hurtful shadows, but Sara knew that this particular shadow would protect her. Than maybe Sara could get some rest._

* * *

Another week had passed, and the Doctors had said that the swelling in Sara's brain had finally gone down. It was a relief to see the tube in her head removed, even if the one in her throat remained. Sara still couldn't breathe on her own, a result of many factors. Still the decrease in swelling made the chances of Sara awakening that much higher. She was starting to heal, or at least physically.

The dayshift had yet to capture the man that had hurt Sara, but the DNA from his sperm was in CODIS, it was just a matter of time until he was picked up. The perp's DNA also happened to be in the house, so he had a lot more to answer for than the assault, rape, and attempted murder of Sara. The entire force was looking for Matthew Cass, all eager to provide justice to a fellow officer.

The nightshift was up and running again and Greg was once again in the lab. His body seemed to have healed nicely, although the lab rat was a little subdued and withdrawn. It was a sharp contrast to the overly excited tech from just a few weeks ago. Still it was nice to have him back.

"I don't get why I can't see her, I don't still have an infection!" Greg pointed out in the break room before assignments. "She needs all of our support."

"I know how you feel Greg, but it was hard enough to get Catherine in, only family is allowed up in the ICU."

"We are her family." Greg pointed out.

"I know." Nick stated. "Before you know it, Sara will be moved to her own room and than we can all visit. I miss her too."

Greg's stared down into his coffee mug. "Are you seeing the PEAP's counselor? I have to see her because of the lab explosion, but I talk about Sara."

"Yeah…Warrick and I both are." Nick also grew interested in his mug. "I can't get seeing her like that…I thought she was dead." Nick felt his eyes grow moist but he kept the tears from falling. "We'll get the bastard Greg."

"I know."

* * *

Gil Grissom shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "So they picked him up?"

"Yeah, he's at the station now. He waved his rights for an attorney." Jim Brass set heavily in the chair in front of the desk. "They won't let us watch the interrogation, I already tried."

"You think he'll confess to assaulting Sara?"

"Maybe. How is she?"

"Catherine says that she has some color in her cheeks. She also mentioned that it was nicer to have a few less machines in the room, and something about needing to wash her hair." Grissom chuckled lightly. "After everything, the woman is worried about washing Sara's hair. I'll never understand them."

"Who? Catherine and Sara?" Brass asked.

"Women."

Brass nodded in understanding. "How about the rest of the team Gil? They holding up…are you?"

Grissom took a long sip of coffee. "I have them all in mandatory counseling, at least for the month. My team and I are fine."

Brass again nodded. "Good."

_

* * *

The comforting Shadow was back again. Sara had been struggling for awhile to get to the door and open it. It had been very painful to move, so she had to move at an agonizing slow pace. Somehow she had managed to crawl to the door. The young girl had yet to be able to sit up enough to reach the knob, but she had managed to lean her back heavily against the door. It was awkward and painful, and Sara couldn't seem to reach her hand up to turn the knob. She wasn't sure if it was the pain in her body or her fear, but she had not really struggled with the knob yet._

_Sara had tried to call out to the shadow a few times but her voice came out as a croak, and caused her chest to ache. She had, however been able to hear the soothing tone in the protective shadows mutterings. The young girl had yet to make out the words but they sounded comforting, and briefly Sara thought that the protective shadow must be her mother. Immediately Sara knew it was a ridicules thought. Her mothers didn't utter words of comfort to her, and her presence had never given Sara a feeling of safety or love. It had to be an angel, she wasn't sure she believed in angels, but she did know that demons was real; so logically there had to be an opposite. So her protective shadow was actually her guardian angel. Now if only Sara could get the door open. _

* * *

Catherine Willows sat in the chair beside Sara's bed. Her right hand held the younger woman's left hand and her left stroked the brunette's hair. "Hey Sara you feel like waking up today? Everyone misses you, especially Greg…especially me." Catherine tugged a strand of hair away from Sara's face carefully avoiding the tube in her throat as well as the feeding tube in Sara's nose. "You have us all pretty worried, could you maybe just open those beautiful brown eyes for a moment?"

A nurse entered the room, quickly checking Sara's vitals and the read out on the machines. "Her stats really are looking up dear, before you know it she'll be up."

"Yeah…and begging to be released!" Catherine smiled at the thought of an irate Sara wanting to go home. "Do you think I could clean her hair? I know about the hole and I'll avoid her stitches and incisions, but she really needs to be cleaned up a bit. The physical therapist isn't due for another hour, so you think that would be okay?" A physical therapist came in every day to knead and move Sara's muscles. It was important to prevent muscle loss as much as possible, which would help in the recovery process. He was also teaching Catherine how to work the muscles as well, so that she could do it more often.

"I don't see why not. I'll ask the Doctor for sure and retrieve a basin and hair powder for you." The nurse said kindly.

"Thank you." Catherine turned back to the form on the bed. "I'm going to take care of you Sara." The nurse returned with the supplies and Catherine got to work. She gently and carefully cleaned Sara's face, mindful of the facial fractures as well as the bruising. It was a bit harder to clean the hair, but she combed the powder through patiently. In the end the hair looked the same, but Catherine felt a bit better just having something to do for Sara.

"Don't expect this too often Sidle." Catherine grinned and settled back in her chair, automatically grasping Sara's hand. "I'm no one's lackey." The only response was the consisting "whooshing" and "beeping" sounds coming from the machines.

"Well what should we discuss today?" Catherine sighed and settled in her chair. "Lindsey is doing well in school, she fights a bit more with me than I expected. I mean I wasn't exactly a compliant child, but damn…this kid does the opposite of everything I say." She grinned. "You'd probably get along with her; you both tend to drive me nuts!"

Catherine Willows was unsure of the relationship she had with Sara at this point. If asked before the accident she would have agreed that they are friends, maybe not great friends, but still friends. At the very least she would have said she had no ill will toward the younger CSI, they just butted heads. Now, on the other hand, Catherine was unsure how to categorize their relationship. Despite not having spoken to the woman since the accident, Catherine knew that she would protect and care for Sara the same way as she would her own daughter. It was the mother in her, the over whelming need to sooth and comfort and kiss away the bad things.

It scared her. She had never felt an over whelming desire to care for another like she did Lindsey, not even Eddie. Catherine feared that when Sara woke up, the brunette would reject her and her newly discovered affection. That was something the blonde could not handle, she needed to take care of Sara.

Catherine let her mind wander to Grissom. The man was defiantly stressed over Sara's situation. He was not taking care of himself, the shadows under his eyes a sign that he was not sleeping, and Catherine was certain he was not eating properly as well. She had tried to broach the subject of Sara to Grissom, but the entomologist would only discuss the young CSI's health. She had even went as far as asking if he loved Sara, to which the man replied by hanging up the phone and effectively ending the conversation. The man was obviously more emotional than she would have guessed in the past.

She was pulled out of her musings by a slight tugging on her hand. Shocked she looked down to see that the hand she held was being slightly squeezed. Jumping up in excitement she peered at Sara's face.

Sara Sidle's had various shades of bruising littering her features still, but the open eyes was new. Her brown eyes appeared to be cloudy and confused, but they were staring at Catherine.

"Sara?" Catherine voice quivered.

Sara answered the woman with a blink and a small squeeze of her hand before darkness once again swallowed her. She was tired and needed to rest. She briefly wondered why a blonde woman was holding her hand and staring down at her, but Sara decided that she would ask about it later.

"Sara?" The blonde watched as the injured woman once again shut her eyes. "Open your eyes again sweetie…come on Sara…open your eyes."

No response.

Catherine paged the nursing staff and explained what had happened. Within minutes a neurologist was in the room, shining lights in Sara's eyes and testing reflexes.

"Well she seems to just be unconscious at this point." The neurologist, an stocky woman in her fifties stated. "Don't expect her to just wake up fully, after a coma like hers waking up is more of a process. She may not be fully coherent for another week, it could be longer. Right now talking to her is important. I'm going to go ahead and schedule another cat scan; we need to see just what type of brain damage she may have."

Catherine gasped in a breath. "Brain damage?"

The doctor clicked her tongue. "Yes. Ms. Willows, your friend suffered major trauma to the head, our previous scans showed both bruising and swelling in her brain. The odds of her having brain damage is high, I'm sure this has been mentioned before."

"Yeah, I just hoped…"

"That's all you can do at this point. Hope and pray. There is a possibility that Sara will recover and be fine, and I intend to do everything in my power to ensure her recovery. It is important for us to monitor her progress." The doctor sighed. "Don't give up hope, she has surprised us all this far." She shifted through the chart. "Her lung has been healing nicely and she should have triggered the vent. This has me a bit concerned, so I am going to run some test."

"Thank you." Catherine replied.

The neurologist nodded and relayed some orders to the nurses. "She's strong Ms. Willows." She stated as she exited the small glass room.

* * *

Sara had opened her eyes a few times over the next week. She never did more than stare at Catherine briefly and offer a small squeeze of her hand before once again shutting her eyes.

Catherine's concern grew and she shared her fears with the guys. _Would Sara ever be able to breathe on her own again? Would she_ _have irreversible brain damage? _It was inconceivable to think of Sara as anything other than the scientist they all knew. It was an essential part of Sara, the woman was a workaholic. Without the crime lab, who was Sara?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – This chapter is a bit shorter, but hopefully I can continue to update fairly quickly._

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Four**

Gil Grissom lifted his third tumbler of scotch to his lips drawing in one of many sips. He sat in the darkness of his townhouse, desperately seeking the rest that had eluded him since Sara's attack. He was trying to come to terms with the turbulent emotions he had felt since he saw his Sara so broken.

_His Sara_. He had to chuckle at the thought. Sara wasn't his. He had made that quite clear to her just a few weeks ago. He had no claim to the smart and beautiful woman that had been fighting against the world her entire life. Gil Grissom had been another rough bump in Sara's road, and it was something he regretted everyday. _Was it too late for him to change his mind? Could he even take that step?_

He was sure that he had always felt a special connection with the younger CSI. There was no other he trusted more than her; he had made that well known. Still trust at work was not the same as trust of the heart. He hadn't even trusted her enough to share his hearing problem with her. Grissom was a private man, it was his nature, and it was not so easily dismissed. Like everyone he had fleeting wants of human contact and soothing gesture, but Gil was stoic. Wants was not needs, and wants can get in the way and destroy. His heart wanted love and comfort but it would continue to beat regardless of love. Grissom was not one to hand over his heart so easily, he had secrets and fears; secrets and fears that he didn't want to share with anyone. He may reside in Las Vegas, but Lady Luck had never smiled down on him.

Besides he was fifteen years older than the woman. He'd be in diapers when she would be at her sexual peak; there was no way it would work. She would inevitably leave him for another man, a younger, sexier, hearing able man. Especially if his experimental surgery did not work out, there was no way they could work. In the end his heart and soul would shatter and he would be a broken shell.

He sipped a bit more of the amber liquid. _Was it worth the risk? Could he put aside all the evidence and risk everything…his heart, his career on Sara Sidle? Was he too late?_

Pain. Why was it every time she tried to open her eyes she felt immense pain. Surely she did not get that drunk last night, of course she couldn't recall last night, or now that she thinks about it she can't recall any night. Panic began to set in.

_I just need to open my eyes, I'll remember if I can just open my eyes._ Sara forced her eyes open, the overhead light immediately causing her to squeeze them shut again. _Fuck that hurt…maybe I'll just keep them shut._ Blinkingly she tried again, only to have the process repeat. _Light trying to kill me, I must be in hell. _In a last ditch effort she managed to pry her aching dry lids open.

_Well this is obviously not Kansas._ Sara's entire body ached, her skull was pounding and she was certain that a truck had run over the rest of her. Not to mention the pressure in her throat, she tried to cough to relief the uncomfortable feeling; it resulted in a choking feeling and she let out a moan.

"Sara?" Catherine Willows' attention snapped to the woman on the bed. "Don't panic, you have a tube down your throat helping you breathe, don't try to talk. I'll get a nurse."

Within moments the ICU bed was surrounded by nurses and the doctor, who immediately rushed Catherine out of the room, with promises to update her after an examination.

The neurologist smiled down into the brown eyes of her patient for the last three weeks. "Hey Sara, it's nice to see you awake. My name is Dr. Emerson and I have been treating you. Don't try to talk; we have you on a vent so that you can breathe."

Sara nodded in understanding.

"Squeeze my hand once for "no" and twice for "yes". Okay?"

Sara gave two week squeezes.

"Good. Are you in any pain?"

_Pain? That is an understatement, I'm beyond pain. "Yes."_

"Okay we can fix that for you in just a moment. Do you know where you are?"

_Hell. "Yes." _

"Good. Do you know what happened?"

_The lights attacked me; I always knew lights were evil. _ "_No."_

"That's okay. Do you know what your name is?"

_You said it was Sara. That sounds right. "Yes."_

"Good. Can you remember my name?"

_Wait…what? You just said your name. It's…wait…what did she say her name was? If what ever was hammering her skull in would stop for a moment she could maybe think._

"Sara?"

_Oh, she wanted me to answer her. "No."_

"Okay. Why don't we let you get some rest and we can talk more tomorrow."

_Good, so can you turn off the light on your way out?_

The doctor rattled off a few orders and left the room. After a few moments Sara began to feel the effects of the drugs, and her body began to ease and an overwhelming tiredness swept in. Right before her eyes closed she swore that she saw the guardian shadow. _Guardian shadow…what the hell is that?_

Catherine entered the room in time to see Sara fall in to a drug induced slumber. Doctor Emerson hadn't really provided much more information, but she had stated that Sara did know who she was. Of course Sara couldn't exactly speak, so maybe she thought she was the Queen of England, for all they knew. They couldn't exactly ask her to clarify yet, at least until she was able to either write or speak. It's all preliminary at this point. _Damn those doctors like to cover their asses, don't they?_

Taking back her seat, Catherine settled back into her chair and gripped Sara's hand. "Hey girl, good to see you're improving. I'm going to deny ever saying this, but I can't wait to hear that voice of yours again." She smirked. "I need an intelligent sparring partner; the boys just roll over for me. What I wouldn't do for a great debate."

_Lights. Pain. Light and Pain. Damn doesn't this place believe in energy conservation? I bet they run the water the whole time they brush their teeth. _

"Hey girl. I didn't think you'd wake up again before I left, you're usually out for a good eight hours after a dose." Catherine smirked.

_Can you turn off the light?_ Sara squeezed the blonde's hand. _How would I convey that? I could try to blink the alphabet, maybe she'd catch on; she appears intelligent. Okay let's see "t" for "turn". That's…ummm…19 no 20 blinks._

"Sara? Oh my God are you seizing?" Catherine pressed the call button.

_What? No you stupid cow, turn the damn light off. Okay intelligent may have been a stretch before._ _Maybe I could gesture toward the ceiling, a monkey can understand that. Okay lift my arm…ummm…what the hell…Who put weights on my arms?_

"Is everything okay?" A nurse quickly went over Sara's vitals.

"I'm not sure she started blinking her eyes really fast."

"Okay, let me see." Pulling out a pin light she checked Sara's pupils. "Pupils are a bit sluggish."

_Ow! I hate you. Blinking must mean shine bright painful light directly into eye. Note to self…No more blinking._

"Her heart rate is up; I'll get her some pain meds."

"How much pain do you think she is in?" Catherine was concerned.

_A lot. I'm in the room you know. I can hear you talking. _

"People have different thresholds for pain. Why don't we let her get some rest?"

_Can you turn the light off? I'm sure I can rest in the dark much easier. You're not listening to me are you? Does hell have a psychic available; maybe a mind reader? Wait! Where are you going? Don't leave; this lady can't do what monkey's can. Please turn off the light. Damn!_

"It's going to be okay Sara, in just a few minutes you'll be pain free and resting." Catherine tried soothing the younger woman; offering her a few reassuring squeezes.

_Is the light switch outside the room? How difficult is it for someone to flip a switch? I'm in hell. Fire and brimstone my ass. _

"Here you go." The nurse adjusted the IV stand to hold the bag of morphine. "Dr. Emerson says she is coherent enough for a morphine pump." She gently placed the trigger in Sara's hand. "Press this button when you need a dose for your pain." Using Sara's thumb she gently pressed the trigger. "It won't take a moment. Use the page if you need anything else."

"Thank you."

_I change my mind; you can keep the lights on as long as I can keep this button. Maybe hell has granted me a reprieve. I have also decided that I love you, your magic button, and even the blonde._

"She started triggering the vent early this morning. Her O2 intake is fairly high, but I want to keep her on oxygen for a bit." Her injuries are no longer critical, so we gave her bed on the neurology floor." Dr. Emerson continued to update Catherine.

"So she can have more visitors?"

"Yes, but only during the proper hours. She still hasn't spoken, but that's expected. She is scheduled for a complete neurological workup tomorrow morning."

Catherine smiled. "Thank you. Can I see her now?"

"Sure." She relayed the room number. "I'll be in later to check on her."

For the first time, Catherine Willows entered Sara's room to find her awake. The new room was completely different from the glass ICU room. The most notable difference was the lack of the various life support machines and the blinding lights. "Hey Sara."

Sara Sidle looked up at her visitor. Her throat ached along with every other part of her body, and someone had taken her magic button away when they moved her. "Hey." Sara managed to croak out. She tried to swallow the soreness in her throat which resulted in a small coughing fit.

"Water?" Catherine held a cup up to Sara's lips offering her a bit of relief.

"Thanks." Her voice sounded foreign and raspy.

"How are you feeling?" The blonde ran her fingers through Sara's hair.

"Hurts." Sara swallowed hard. "Button?"

Catherine frowned a bit. "Sorry Sara they had to wean you off. You have kept yourself in a drugged stupor for the last three days." It shocked Catherine each time Sara would wake up just enough to dose herself and fall back in to a drugged stupor. On the one hand she was glad the brunette wasn't feeling any pain, but on the other hand she would have expected Sara to be stubborn and demand answers. "I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon with something for the pain."

Sara frowned as an intense heat had crept up and covered her body causing her to sweat. She felt sick, her stomach churned and she was sure it was going to expel the water she just drank.

Pressing the call button, Catherine tried to soothe the pale woman. "You're not going to throw up on me are you? This shirt is new." She offered a small grin.

"Lights." Sara shut her eyes and willed her stomach to settle. It wasn't enough. Her body painfully revolted and her stomach retched.

Having a bit of foresight, Catherine had managed to get the basin under her in time. She rubbed small comforting circles on Sara's heaving back. "It's okay Sara. Let it out."

Tears sprang to her eyes as her stomach dry heaved. After a moment she fell back against the bed, her breathing coming out in short painful burst. "Ouch."

Chuckling, Catherine pulled a chair by the bed and gripped Sara's hand. "I bet. It looked painful."

Sara couldn't help but grin, despite the pain. Leave it to Catherine to be so direct.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah?"

"Lights?" Sara shut her eyes and pointed.

"Sure." With a simple flip of the switch on the bed the overhead lights shut off.

_Damn, I could have shut them off the whole time._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – Well I have been asked a couple times if there is a romantic interest in this story. As much as I want to put you at ease, I like the innuendos and suspense. Again I apologize for my grammar and spelling, I have no beta and no matter how many times I proofread, I tend to miss things. Thank God for spell-check!_

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Five**

"Sara's demanding answers Gil. I can't keep skirting the issue; I think you should tell her what happened." Catherine Willows had been ranting against her boss for the better part of an hour.

"Why should I be the one to tell her? You've been with her everyday, you're a woman; it would be easier coming from you." Gil Grissom pointed out for the third time.

"She's closest to you. Sara and you have some sort of geeky love relationship going on. She has been coherent for two days, and she keeps asking about her attack, demanding answers." Catherine slumped into her seat. "The woman has holes in her memory the size of Pontiacs, but she remembers you." She glared at the gray haired man before her.

"She remembers you too."

Catherine sighed. "Not really, I mean she knows my name, but she doesn't really remember me. Dr. Emerson says it's a unique case; she is not sure if it is actual amnesia or if Sara is blocking things. The two weeks leading up to the…incident…are blanks, Sara can tell everyone their names, but she doesn't know who the president is or her birthday."

"What makes you think she remembers me?" Grissom pointed out.

"Two days Grissom. She's been coherent for two days and she has asked for three things…water…an explanation…and you." Catherine narrowed her eyes. "You are the only one who hasn't been to see her yet. Greg barely leaves her side except for work, hell even Brass has been to see her."

Grissom shuffled through the papers on his desk. "I've been busy, I'm missing two CSIs, leaving us short staffed. Vegas didn't stop having crimes to fit around our schedule." He uncharacteristically snapped. "I'll see her tomorrow, but I'm not going to be the one to tell her the details." He frowned. "You should tell her. You're a woman; it would be easier to hear the details from you."

"She asks about you. She thinks you're angry with her, she thinks she did something wrong and the attack was her fault."

"Jesus Catherine, you know I don't think that." He tried to rub away the beginning of his migraine. "I've failed her, not just at the crime scene, in everything." Grissom shifted his gaze to the back wall. "She was reaching out…and I…I just…I pushed her away. I hurt her. Like everyone else in her life Catherine, I hurt her."

"Get over yourself Gil and get your ass down there. She deserves that at least."

Grissom gaped at her.

"Use some of your vacation days and stay with her, take care of her. Make this right. My vacation days are up; I have to go back to work. Someone needs to be with her. You need to be there for her."

"No." His tone left know room for arguing. "Greg or Nick can do it." Eyes flashing, Grissom glared at the blonde. "Is that all Catherine?"

* * *

"I was always partial to green my self. I mean I liked red and orange, but green reminded me of something out of this world." Greg Sanders smirked. "I use to do alien autopsies on dolls, and green Jell-O was the perfect brain."

"Your sisters must have hated you, destroying their stuff." Sara grinned.

"No it was my dolls!" Greg deadpanned.

Sara's mouth dropped in shock her spoon full of orange Jell-O clattering on her tray.

"I had them for purely scientific reasons." Greg pointed out. "You can't exactly do an autopsy on a twelve inch G.I. Joe, but a nice round baby doll is perfect. Also they have these perfect hollow heads so the Jell-O was easy to get in."

"That's just gross Greg." Sara lips curled up into a grin. Only a few yellowed bruises littered her features, besides the small purple bruises under her eyes. She had been healing nicely, and she wasn't in as much pain either. Her sensitivity to light was still there, but no one seemed to mind sitting in the dark with her. . "I'll never look at Jell-O the same, which sucks because that's about the only thing they serve here." Sara smirked.

"Are you trying to make me feel guilty Ms. Sidle?"

"Is it working?"

"Yeah." Greg chuckled. "I'll see what I can sneak in for you next time." He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "I have seen you clean off a buffet after a decomp and a little Jell-O talk has you feeling ill? What have you done with my Sara?"

Greg realized what he said too late.

"She must have been knocked out of one of the holes in my skull, but you're welcome to leave and go find her if you like." Sara seethed.

"Sara…I didn't mean…I'm sorry…" Greg mumbled.

"I'm tired Greg. I think I'm just going to get some sleep." She shut her eyes. "You need to go to work."

"I'll be back after." He squeezed her hand in apology. She pulled it from his grasp and turned her back to him, holding her tears at bay until she was certain she was alone.

The soft click of the door closing was the catalyst for her tears. Her body was wracked with silent painful sobs. Sara couldn't stop the flood of emotions, they consumed and smothered her. Her breaths came out in sharp gasps, her lungs burned and her ribs ached. She wasn't even certain why the comment had struck such a nerve with her. She wasn't sure of anything really; all Sara knew was that something was missing. She was missing. Her existence had been stripped down to hard facts.

_Fact: She is Sara Sidle._ That one she knew right away, she stated it without conscious thought. Just as easily, Sara had been able to state all of her co-workers name. Not that she could tell you what kind of relationship each co-worker had with her, or anything about them, but she had a feeling she hadn't known that before her attack.

_Fact: She is a CSI._ It was something that brought a rush to her, made her feel a sense of accomplishment. She was on the right side of the law, she didn't know why that was important but it was. She helped, not hurt.

_Fact: She has no family._ This puzzled her. She didn't wake up with the knowledge, it was learned. If she, Sara, had family than they would have visited by now, but having no one felt natural to her. It did bring a sense of remorse and oddly relief, she had thought to mention it to Greg earlier but the young man had quickly avoided the subject.

_Fact: Gil Grissom has not been to see her._ As soon as she was able to form a conscious thought she had been undeniably drawn to two people. Two names stood out in her head, Gil Grissom and Catherine Willows.

Her thought of Grissom caused an undeniable ache in her chest, something she was sure had nothing to do with her mending ribs. At the same time she felt an undeniable need to see him, to look at him and make sure that the gray haired, blue eyed man in her hollowed out brain was the man that belonged to the name. Sara was certain that the man was someone important to her, a piece of a puzzle that was her life now. He would have the answers; he would soothe her aching head, and protect her. As soon as the thought filtered through her head, Sara had to deny them. _Follow the evidence._ Gil Grissom had yet to visit her…he would not bring answers or comfort.

Sara shivered. She was cold and stiff; she wanted her body to relax. Her muscles tense and aching contracted painfully; her head pounding, Sara couldn't relax. Sleep was eluding her, she needed to muddle through her thoughts, something in the back of her mind was itching, and it was swimming in her head, clawing to the surface. There was someone who would bring her comfort, someone who would protect her. _A Shadow_

"Sara? Are you okay?"

She let out a painful moan, she felt dizzy and heavy. Her stomach churned and she was certain she would be sick. Her body began to shake and her eyes rolled back in her head. Her hands fisted the sheet below her. Sara Sidle was having a seizure.

* * *

"I don't understand. You said she was doing better, why is she back in the ICU?" Catherine was in a near panic, her fingers dug into her palms painfully.

"Ms. Willows you need to calm down." Dr. Emerson shuffled the woman into her office. "Sara had some bruising on her brain; one of them has developed a small bleed. I feel that at this point a chemical induced coma would be a better way for her to heal, without resorting to surgery. The bleed is small enough to heal on its own, but stress and other factors can cause problems."

"Will she have permanent damage?"

"There are risks in a chemically induced coma. There are also unknown side effects and factors with the bleed, but we will not know the answers to those questions until she wakes." The hardy woman shuffled through the CSI's chart. "This is a definite setback to her recovery. I won't lie to you Ms. Willows, Sara's health is very critical. The coma should prevent her from having anymore seizures, but we had to put her back on the vent. Her body is weary and exhausted. Let us do our job, allow her to rest."

Catherine wiped the tears at the tears on her face. "I'm sorry. I'm just…scared…I mean when I left she was talking to me demanding answers, and now…"

"I know. All we can do is give her more time."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – I would apologize for all the angst…but it's how I write:P I will apologize for all my spelling and grammar errors…again that's how I write! _

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Six**

Gil Grissom lightly caressed the glass, tracing the prone form's outline. He had been standing outside studying the figure much like he would study one of his specimens. He had made no attempt to step within and handle the delicate figure lying helpless in the hospital bed. He couldn't get over the similarities that Sara Sidle had to a butterfly, both creatures he could easily harm. A soft touch on a wing and the butterfly would no longer be able to soar. He had reached out in a moment of weakness and touched Sara and she had crumbled after he had released her. His selfishness and need to feel her and to love her, had led him to this point.

For years he had watch her develop into the strong CSI he knew she could be. He had watched from afar as she grew into the beautiful and strong willed woman that could send his world spinning with a gap toothed smile. He had long ago decided that she was meant to be watched never touched, it was inappropriate for him to love her. He was much older, her boss, and more than that he understood that he was an observer when it comes to human contact not a doer. Gil Grissom was born to study from afar, attempts at more than that brought about pain and suffering for him and others.

Still he couldn't help but throw a few comments and caresses her way. He had longed to touch her and protect her; his own dreams were filled with his need for Sara. Grissom had fought so hard to hide his emotions his undeniable want for her. He had denied himself many luxuries in life; Sara was the one he regretted everyday. How is it possible to love someone so much? Why was he a coward?

Sighing Grissom turned away from the ICU window. He would go home and drown his love and need for her in some amber fire. It was the only thing he could do. He could not go in to that room, even in her coma like state, he could not hold her hand and offer comfort. If he was to do that than he would destroy her…_this_…there was no denying that. If he was to give in to his selfish needs he would never be able to step away.

"Not going in Gil?" Catherine Willows stepped up to her friend, her arms crossed in front of her, her eyes glaring.

"I need to take care of some things Catherine, I haven't the time to go in. I was just getting an update on her condition." He would not be intimidated.

"She's doing better, she should wake soon. You could have called for that." She pointed out.

"Indeed." He nodded. "Good news all around, keep me informed." He brushed pass her attempting to escape before her inquisition.

Catherine ran her hands through her hair. "Why not go in Gil? I know she would like to see you."

He turned on his heel. "She's unconscious Catherine, she can't see anything."

"Hear you than."

"I'm running late as it is Catherine. Not all of us can spend our hours holding her hand." He snapped. Immediately he regretted his words, he wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment holding Sara's hand. Why did Catherine insist on pushing his buttons?

"Go play with you bugs Gil; God knows they need your hand holding much more than Sara." She dismissed him and made her way into the small ICU room.

Earlier in the day they had started pulling Sara out of her drug induced coma. Her respirator had been removed leaving the breathing tube as the only obstruction on her pale face. Over the weeks her bruises and cuts had faded into faint scars, leaving her looking more like a fragile China doll than a battered woman. Her casts where still there but over all she looked healthier. After a few weeks of physical therapy she should be physically well enough to go home. Her CAT scans are clean and barring any neurological damage found upon her awakening, Sara may be looking at a new lease on life.

"Hey baby girl." Catherine gripped Sara's cold hand lovingly. "You need to wake up now; I have loads to tell you." She gently squeezed her hand. "Everyone misses you, and Greg is a mess without you…I'm a mess…" She chuckled bitterly. "I never thought I would see such a quite side to you, I keep waiting for you to tell me to mind my own business." Wiping a stray tear from her eye she continued. "I guess you are my business now. I'm sure you just love that. I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere now…ever…you're stuck with me Sara. You wormed your way into my heart, and you can eat it inside out and I won't leave you."

It was a realization Catherine had come to late last night. She wanted to know Sara, the woman who had hidden herself so well from the world. They had a rocky relationship at best, but it was something Catherine had put behind her. She would do anything to protect the woman beside her. The brunette had somehow drawn her in, and as she thought back she had always had a hold on her. She had been strangely drawn to her from their first meeting. It had been years since she had felt any attraction to a woman before, and she was married to Eddie at the time. Catherine had immediately pushed the younger CSI away at every turn. She didn't like someone having any kind of hold on her, and she fought against it tooth and nail. It was simpler when the object of her affection fought back just as hard; but seeing Sara in such a debilitated state broke down all of her walls.

She lightly kissed the hand she held. "Gil Grissom is an idiot."

Catherine had pushed the two together at every turn. As hard as it was to watch the strange affection Sara held for the older man, it was easier to push them toward each other than to try to draw Sara to her. She had reasoned that Sara's unavailable status would help squelch her own desires; it was something she still held on to. She had resigned herself to caring for Sara on the basic mother level when she awoke. Now would not be the time to show her true affections.

"I thought I dreamed you."

Catherine started at the raspy voice. "Sara?"

Swallowing hard Sara nodded and managed to croak out. "I thought you were a dream…my shadow."

The blonde looked down confused. "Your shadow?"

"My shadow." Sara confirmed and squeezed Catherine's hand. Her eyes fluttered shut, she was unbelievably tired.

Catherine pressed the call button and lightly tugged on Sara's hand. "Stay awake for me Sara." She was more than worried. Sara was awake, and clearly talking nonsense. "Tell me about your shadow Sara."

Sara forced her self to concentrate on the dark form dancing in front of her eyes. She tried to bring the room into focus but her eye lids fought harder to close. "You…my shadow…" She tried to explain. "…guards the door…" She slurred.

Dr. Emerson entered the room followed by a nurse. "It's good to see you're awake Sara." She motioned Catherine out of the way, but Sara used all of her energy to keep her hand in hers.

"I need…shadow…" She croaked out.

Catherine looked up at the doctor in fear and confusion. Had Sara suffered Brain damage?

Dr. Emerson nodded allowing the woman to stay where she was; not wanting to agitate the patient. "Can you tell me your name?" She asked as she shined a pin light into Sara's eyes.

"Sara…" The woman tried harder to fight through the fog in her brain.

"What's you whole name?"

"Sara…" She couldn't think straight, she knew her name it was on the tip of her tongue. "Sara…" She blinked against the harsh light.

"That's ok, calm down. You just woke; you are bound to be confused." Dr. Emerson made a few notes on her chart. "Do you know where you are?"

"Closet…shadow…" Sara pointed out, her eyes fighting to close.

"You're in the hospital Sara, remember? I'm Dr. Emerson." The portly woman made a few more notes on her chart and nodded to the nurse. "Just get some rest and we will talk when you are more awake."

Sara didn't need to be told twice, she allowed herself to drift back into the fog. Her hand gripped tightly in her shadow's for comfort. She didn't have to fight anymore, she knew that the shadow would protect her and she could come out when she was ready.

Catherine turned to the neurologist. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't think she has fully woken up yet, she is still somewhat in her dream. When she is more awake I will run a few tests." She made a few more notes in her chart. "I'm going to move her to her own room on my floor. Why don't you go home and get some rest, come back in a few hours. It will give us time to get her settled in. I'll call if anything happens."

Catherine nodded in understanding. She really could use a shower and some rest, she had come here right after work and dropping Lindsey off at school. Her body needed a few hours to collect itself, and exhaustion had crept in long ago. Giving the brunette a kiss on the forehead she lightly ran her fingers through her hair. "I'll be back for you Sara."

As promised, Catherine returned to the hospital and quickly located Sara's room. She had to grin in approval at the wonderful accommodations the labs health insurance was covering. Nice to know they provide private rooms, not that Catherine intended to test the insurance on her self, but pleased to see that it was available.

Upon entering the sterile room she found Sara sitting up and staring out the window. Quietly she watched the thin brunette from afar. For weeks she had stared down at Sara Sidle, and she couldn't seem to get enough of it. Grinning she cleared her throat and knocked lightly.

"Up for some company?"

Sara Sidle turned startled at the noise, before grinning at the blonde. "Sure."

"A room with a view?"

"It's just nice to feel the sun." Sara pointed out. "I feel like I haven't felt it in weeks."

Catherine pulled up a chair by the bed. "You haven't." She pointed out cheekily.

Sara just smiled. "I know." She turned her pale face toward Catherine, giving the older CSI her full attention. "I heard I been out of it for another week; seems I'm catching up on all the sleep I've missed through the years in one go."

"Well you could use some rest; I knew you was putting in too much over time." Catherine smirked. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine."

Catherine raised her eyebrows in question. "Fine?"

Sara shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. "Well I feel a little heavy, but I'm not in pain. Just can't exactly lift my arms yet."

Unconsciously Catherine took Sara's hand in hers and squeezed it lightly. "A little Physical Therapy and you'll be good as new."

"I know, than maybe I can go home. I'm tired of looking at the white walls."

"You're tired? I've been staring at them for weeks; at least you got to sleep most of the time." Catherine pointed out.

Sara stared at the woman sitting in front of her. She had an interesting conversation with her doctor after waking up earlier. She managed to pass the neurological test the second time around, and besides a small fog on her brain, making her feel a bit sluggish she seemed to be recovering nicely. Dr. Emerson complimented her on the progress and pointed out that Catherine's relentless blabbing while she was unconscious seemed to have done some good. Which would explain why Sara kept thinking about Lindsey; Catherine must have talked about her quite a bit.

At first Sara was shocked that the older woman had spent so much time watching over her. It wasn't something she would have suspected out of the CSI. Catherine had never paid much attention to her except to argue, except that one time with Hank. Not that Sara minded having her around, it brought a strange sense of comfort and ease when Catherine entered the room. She was actually relieved when the blonde took her hand; it just felt right to be tethered to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Seven**

Absentmindedly she noticed the smoke snake around her fingers and disappear into the night air. She had forgotten how awful the stench of a cigarette was, but inhaling brought her a sense of calm. Never mind that the cold night air of the desert had her shivering, or that she couldn't stand up out of the wheelchair she had bee bound to for the last few days. It was pointless to acknowledge that the habit that she had fought so hard against three years ago had been tossed away at a flick of a stranger's lighter. She had not felt this relaxed and free for weeks, and it felt good to have a moment alone outside of the four white walls of the hospital.

In the last month her entire life had come to a sudden and traumatic stop, and slowly she was picking up the pieces. Taking another drag, she exhaled harshly willing her tears back. If it didn't hurt so much she'd laugh at the absurdity of her life. The fates had defiantly not smiled down at her. Ignoring the fact that she still couldn't recall her latest trauma in a long string of misfortunes, it didn't stop the "what if's" or "how's" that plagued her nightmares. Sometimes she felt not knowing was worse. Like things that go bump in the night, the darkness is always scarier than the light of day.

Sara chuckled at her train of thought. Even out of the hospital her thoughts were consistently morbid and depressing. Too bad the bastard hadn't knocked that emotion out of her head; he managed to take the first seven years of her life and a lot of her college times as well. Giving what she did know, Sara wasn't sure if she was eager to remember it all anyhow. She was startled when she recalled the situation with her family, that she was essentially alone in this world.

Once again Catherine had been visiting her, the older CSI chatting her up about the lab and other unimportant things. Still hearing the blonde talk was soothing in itself, much better than the beeping of the machines or the quite of the hospital. She had been slightly dozing herself, not really hanging on to the soothing tones when she gave into sleep. Immediately she felt herself fall into a memory, flashes of her childhood bathed in blood, a glistening knife and a shattered innocence. She woke up screaming and thrashing against an unknown assailant and was immediately sedated. Her last thought was how she glad that she hadn't asked any of her friends about her family. That was can of worms she would like to stay buried.

Flicking the cigarette on the sidewalk, she silently berated herself for not asking the stranger for a second cigarette. She defiantly needed another; the first had not quite made her as lightheaded as she had hoped.

"I thought you quit."

Sara didn't even have to look up to know who was addressing her. The voice was as well known to her as her own. "You know what they say, "once an addict always an addict"."

"I never thought that you'd fall in that particular category Sara."

Sara snorted and glared up at the figure. "Maybe you like to hold me in a specific category Grissom, but I assure you I transcend it."

Gil Grissom sighed and sat down on the bench beside Sara's wheelchair. "I never held you in a category Sara."

"No I suppose you didn't. You never allowed yourself to know me well enough to categorize me." She spat out. "Why are you here?"

Grissom rubbed at his forehead in frustration. "I wanted to see how you are."

"Now?" Sara grasped at the edges of her temper. "It's been weeks Grissom, why would you care now?"

"I always cared." He stated.

She snorted, and once again wished for a cigarette or possibly a drink. "You have a funny way of showing it."

"It's been busy at the lab, but I always asked after you."

"Did you? Well I guess that makes it all better." She laughed bitterly and turned away from him. "I'm fine; you can go back to the lab now."

"Why are you sitting out here alone and in the cold Sara?" He forced the subject change.

"I needed a smoke."

Grissom frowned and studied the frail woman in front of him. She obviously was not healthy enough to be sitting outside in the cold without anything but a flimsy hospital gown for cover. "Are you trying to get sicker Sara? You should be inside resting."

Sara turned her head sharply back at the graying man and narrowed her eyes. "You have no right to tell be what I should or shouldn't be doing."

"Do you resent me that much?"

Sputtering at his audacity and flinching slightly at his words she managed to frown at him. "I don't resent you Grissom. I never have…not even after…after that night."

Gil Grissom's eyes widened a bit in shock.

"I remember Grissom. You might not want me too, maybe in some way you was grateful for my memory lapse before. Odd thing…memories…they tend to creep up on you, even if you don't want them to." Sara felt a deep satisfaction as his gaping fish impression. It was nice to see him at a lost for words. "Don't worry Grissom, I have no want or need to define…well…"this".

Choking on the lump that formed in his throat, Gil tried to gain control of the conversation. "I…Sara…don't…"

"Don't what Grissom? Don't yell? Don't cry? Don't hold you accountable? Don't worry. I don't. I don't expect or want anything from you, not your concern, lax as it has been, or your sympathy!" Her voice quivered.

"Sara, I do care for you. I do." He grasped at straws, trying to right his world.

"Tell me something Grissom. If it had been any other of the nightshift, would you not have visited before now? If Nick, Warrick, Catherine, or hell Greg had been laid up in the hospital as long as I; would you not have been here sooner?"

He had to nod in the affirmative, Grissom was beyond lying or denial; he had been stripped bare.

"Before that night…" she swallowed hard and steadied her voice, "…would you have come?" She didn't know why she was asking, it wasn't like she didn't already know the answer.

"I would." His head dropped in shame. "I did come Sara…just not when you knew."

She swallowed the bile rising in her throat. "You're off the hook. I have no desire to go back to either of our previously fucked up relationships. You're my supervisor, if I get out of the damn place and actually get to return to my life. My boss. I expect nothing from you, and I don't want anything either."

"I want more than that Sara." The words sprang forth before he could stop them.

Sara turned her chair away from the bench and despite her weariness she managed to force her chair toward an escape route. She called back over her shoulder. "I don't."

He didn't know how long he sat out on the bench in front of Desert Palms hospital. His mind was as numb as his body, not even the desert wind was able to make him feel. Gil Grissom had waited too long, and the moment had passed him up, he was too late. Despite all the mental preparation he had made for this day, nothing prepared him for the soul crushing blow she had delivered with two words; two seemingly harmless words that still echoed in his brain in a never ending cycle.

His barriers began to break, and his shoulder hitched as he sobbed into his hands. Selfishly he sobbed for himself, his loss. Gil Grissom cried for a piece of himself that he had never really had, had fought tooth and nail against, and when he could no longer glimpse it, the absence was far more painful than he imagined. Gathering a bit of strength and choking down his sobs, he rose up. She had given him what he thought was best, what he had convinced himself was necessary, but he had never thought it would hurt this much.

Sara Sidle made it up to her room in record time; she even managed to avoid security and hospital personal. No one would be happy to find that she had snuck out of her room, especially for a smoke. Struggling a bit with the door and her chair she made her way into her dark room. It wouldn't be easy to get in the bed, but she had managed getting out, so how much harder can it be. Forcing her body to a standing position, her legs shook and her muscles ached against the strain. Biting her lip to keep from crying out, Sara desperately tried to shift herself onto the bed. Falling in heap on the ground, she moaned at her broken bones and weak muscles. Curling up into a fetal position she began to weep, she wept for her situation and for Grissom. Her body shuddered with weariness and pain, she longed for a dreamless sleep; one without haunting memories or possible scenarios.

Tiredness overcame her and the coolness of the floor soothed her aching head and body. She let herself give into the darkness, a few minutes of sleep and than she would try again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – I know I have not updated in quite awhile and I apologize and offer up the excuses of life and writer's block getting in the way. Luckily I read **jooleeahh's** "In Hell with Love" and was sufficiently inspired. Also I felt guilty and was losing sleep over it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed it reminds me to finish up so I don't leave the story hanging annoyingly. Again I have no beta so ignore all my mistakes! -Cole_

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Eight**

Sara Sidle shifted her eyes back to the small cardboard box before her. Her frown deepened as she caught sight of very few of her precious possessions. Immediately she recognized a battered pewter frame with broken glass. The 4x6 faded photo within was the only memento she had from her childhood. It was nothing more than a snapshot of her seated side by side a stray neighborhood dog, that she in all her six year old wisdom had dubbed simply "Spot". At the time she of course thought this was a brilliant name, even if the dog did not have a spot on his raggedy brown coat, her favorite book was "Dick and Jane" of course. The only reason Sara had the photo at all was that the social worker had grabbed it off her dresser in her haste at gathering a few of Sara's clothes and items. Sara was unsure why she had kept the possession all these years, surly it had nothing to do with the fact that her mother's legs where within the background of the photo.

"You're joking right?" Sara shifted her glare to the young man, who had backed himself up against the exit of her hospital room.

Greg Sanders placed his hands out defensively. "I'm so sorry Sara…" He was unsure why he had been designated the task of delivering the bad news to the recovering woman. "We hadn't thought about your apartment since…It just that it never occurred to us…" He searched for the right words.

"Everything Greg? Everything is gone?" The brunette's anger was rising. "I lost everything?"

When Sara had asked for Nick Stokes to bring her a few changes of clothes from her place a few weeks ago, the CSI had brought in a bag full of new pajamas. At the time she had bought his excuse that her old items wouldn't fit her until she gained back a bit of weight, but now the truth was out.

"You're landlord sent your clothes to Goodwill, pawned all your electronics, and I'm unsure about everything else. That's all that is left and it cost us $1200 just to get it back." Greg Sanders inched further up against the door. "We tried to track down what we could Sara, you have to believe us. Nick practically tore his head off, but legally your landlord was within his right."

Not one of the team had thought to be sure Sara's bills and rent had been kept updated in the first seven weeks of Sara's recovery. By the time she had been able to ask for a few things, her apartment had been rented out and that cardboard box placed in storage. The landlord had been kind enough to relinquish the box for the remainder of what Sara owed him in back rent, considering that he had sold most of her possessions for a good chunk of it.

"Jesus Greg! I'm being released tomorrow, where the hell am I going to stay?" She slumped back in her bed in exhaustion. "You all have known this for weeks, couldn't you have prepared me!"

"You can stay with me Sara, I don't have a spare room or anything but I can crash on the couch. The doctor says you shouldn't be alone anyhow." Greg offered.

Sara groaned in frustration. As much as she loved hanging out with the young lab tech, she couldn't fathom actually living with him. He conscious offered up visions of dorm room chaos including rock posters littering the walls. "I don't think so Greg." Her stomach churned and she rubbed her head against the pounding in her skull. She was sure this was one of the stressful situations her neurologist Dr. Emerson had warned her to avoid.

"I'm really sorry Sara. I'm sure Catherine and the guys have worked something out." He tried to reassure her. "You're still wheelchair bound for a few more weeks while you go to outpatient physical therapy. There was no way you could have lived alone anyhow."

Sara opened her eyes and shot a hard glare at him/. "Catherine Willows is not my mother or keeper Greg." Not that Sara didn't appreciate the blonde's constant visits and help she offered, but Sara really needed to control something. She had never been one to allow herself to be blindly led through life; she had always been self-sufficient even in her youth. "Does anyone care what I want?"

Greg Sanders ran his hands through his unkempt locks and slowly approached the hospital bed. "I care Sara." He wanted to profess his undying love for the battered and broken brunette. In the past he would have, but for some inexplicable reason he felt now wasn't the right time. Instead he took her cold pale hand in his warm one. "I know it doesn't solve your housing situation, or any other problem, but I do care and so do the others." He shot her a wry grin. "Sometimes life just gets out of our control. Just let us help you for a bit longer."

"You realize you're risking your life right now; don't you?" Sara face tilted up in a small grin.

"I was hoping you are too tired to actually hurt me, plus your casts are off so I figured you have nothing to beat me with!"

"I would have found something Greggo, believe me." She smirked.

"That I belief!" He released her hand and slumped into the chair by her bed. "So…what's all in the box?"

Sara Sidle's grin fell as she once again looked at the small box. "Nothing really, a few personal files an old yearbook from college; I'm not sure what else. I figured you guys already rifled trough it, you tell me."

"We didn't honest." Not that Greg had been tempted to discover a few more facts out about the enigma of Sara Sidle; he and the rest of the team had managed not to investigate what little privacy she had left. "A college yearbook you say, what I wouldn't do to see a younger Sara Sidle." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Did you bring me food?" Sara changed the subject. She had no desire to get nostalgic over her past at this point. Over the last few weeks she had made certain promises to herself, and one included letting go of the past. Consciously it was a struggle to not dwell on it and subconsciously it was impossible.

"Actually I have to go in early for work today and Catherine said she would stop over to have dinner with you before she went in." Greg and Sara had set a routine up over the last few weeks. He would smuggle in take-out each evening before his shift and they would goof off while watching "It Takes a Thief" on the Discovery channel. The nurses of course ignored Sara's disregard over hospital rules, just happy to see her actually eat something even if she mostly picked at it.

"Well I'm hungry now. Did she say when she was going to be here?" Sara pouted.

"Gee Sara you don't sound at all disappointed about me going!" Greg kidded.

In reality Sara had no desire to eat. She had noticed right away that Greg had not brought her regular dinner with him when he arrived; she was a CSI after all. Her headache was starting to become fierce and she really just wanted to be left alone to stew over her pathetic existence and her rotten luck. She must have pissed off someone in a past life. She should have been reincarnated as a cockroach at least than she would have had a chance at a happy existence, and Gil Grissom may have actually cared.

Her thoughts had defiantly taken a darker turn and what little energy she had before was seeping away. She shifted a bit more in her bed trying to give her aching body a reprieve from the constant pain. Sometimes she felt that the doctor didn't offer her up enough pain medication anymore, than she would become morose that she even craved the narcotics like she did. With everything else that happened, she wouldn't be shocked if she did develop a drug habit and ended up on the streets begging and trading her body for another dose. Since than she convinced herself to never actively request a dose of pain medication, although she hadn't managed to turn down what was prescribed yet. It just hurt so damn much.

Greg had noticed the mood shift immediately. Often he would watch Sara as she stared off into nothing for hours. It was something that Dr. Emerson had said Sara wasn't even aware of when Catherine had shown concern about it. It wasn't quite a catatonic state but it was something that was worrisome to the doctors as well. Sara had been referred to a psychiatrist, since it had not been deemed neurological. After one session with the doctor, Sara had refused to return. No matter how much Dr. Emerson or Catherine pleaded with her she had been steadfast in her decision.

Greg studied the brunette as she stared unblinkingly and blankly at the wall before them. Often times Sara would return back to reality and into the conversation hours after the fact as if the discussion had never stopped. Once she lost herself while speaking to Nick in the late morning and came out of it in the afternoon with Greg. She had only blinked in surprise and assumed she had just forgotten who she was talking to. Dr. Emerson had tried to explain to her what was happening and convince her to seek treatment. Sara had immediately went into a defensive mode and loudly proclaimed she wasn't crazy. That she just had gotten lost in thought and it happens to everyone. She than continued to yell out that if everyone would just give her a moment of peace around here she would be fine; Sara later swore that her next examination by the good doctor had been unnecessarily tedious and uncomfortable much longer than needed. When Nick had pointed out that she was being paranoid he had went home with a green Jell-O covered shirt and a small bruise from the container on his shoulder. Needless to say no one ever accused Sara of paranoia again.

"Hey Greg…" Catherine Willows voice trailed off at seeing that her younger colleague was once again off in a semi-catatonic state. It pained her to see Sara looking so broken and lost. She had entered the room baring Chinese take-out and a small bag. Nick Stokes and Warrick Brown entered behind her with a couple of empty cardboard boxes.

Greg looked up in surprise. "What's with the movers?"

Warrick shifted his eyes away from the unresponsive woman on the bed to the geeky lab tech. "We figured we'd move most of her flowers and gifts to Catherine's before shift tonight, so it will be easier tomorrow when she leaves."

"Oh sounds good. Does she know she is staying at Catherine's?" Greg of course already knew the answer and set his eyes accusingly on the older blonde.

"It was something I intended to discuss with her over dinner Greg." She folded her arms and glared at the young man. "She needs to go somewhere and I have a spare room."

Greg stood up and ran his hands through his hair. "She just want's to feel in control of something Catherine. Everything has been taken out of her hands."

"I know that Greg. Believe me I know."

Nick Stokes had been gathering up the various get well gifts and cards and stuffing them in his box. He was eager to get out of the over crowded hospital room, every time Sara shifted off to what he had dubbed "la-la-land" he couldn't bare to watch her unfocused gaze. He constantly had to keep himself from forcibly shutting her vacant eyes and pretend she was just sleeping. "So do we take this to your's or what?" He directed his question to Catherine.

Catherine sighed and slumped in Greg's recently vacated seat. "I'm not trying to take it out of her hands Greg, but in this case she has no choice. You guys don't have the extra space, only Grissom and I have the spare room. Trust me when I say that Gil Grissom's is the last place she needs."

Everyone could agree that Gil Grissom, nightshift supervisor was most defiantly not a people person. He honestly lacked the proper social skills to show concern toward another human being. Not that everyone in this room hadn't and still do crave every compliment and amount of attention the older entomologist graces them with; but recently he had been even more of a recluse.

"So Catherine's it is." Warrick shifted his now full box in his arms and turned to Sara. "I'm going to take your stuff to Catherine's Sara. Don't worry I'll be careful with it." The woman continued to stare into nothing, but Warrick felt better if he just ignored that. "Okay, I hope you feel better soon." He nodded his head toward the small box containing what was left of Sara's apartment and glanced meaningfully at Greg.

"Yeah I got it." Greg jerked the box up in frustration. "Do you need me to come by and help you get her home tomorrow?"

"No I'll take care of it. Lindsey is going to stay at Nancy's for a couple days so Sara can get settled in." Catherine offered Greg an apologetic smile.

Nick opened the door with one arm and balanced his precious load. "Call us if you need anything." The tall CSI was out the door before Catherine could offer up a response; the other two quickly followed leaving her alone with Sara.

"Hey Sara." Catherine stood and gave the younger woman a small hug before sitting back in her chair. "I'm going to take good care of you."

Sara blinked her eyes into focus. "Of course I'll miss you…" Her eyes shifted to the the woman seated by her bed. "Catherine…urm…I think I may have dosed off."

Catherine gave the woman a sad smile and chose to ignore the argument and suggestions she had for Sara's mental well being for another time. Tonight she had to convince the woman that it was in everyone's best interest for Sara to stay with her. "No problem Sara. I brought Chinese for dinner." She gestured to the take-out boxes.

"Thanks, but I'm not all that hungry." Sara's stomached still churned anxiously, she was sure the smell alone was going to force her hospital lunch to make a reappearance.

Once again Catherine bit her tongue at reprimanding the brunette into taking better care of herself and eating more. The woman was really nothing more than skin and bones, and despite everyone best efforts Sara had not been gaining back all her lost weight. "Maybe you'll feel up to eating it a bit later."

Sara nodded as she swallowed the bile rising in her throat. She swore she was developing another ulcer since she had been confined to the hospital. "Thanks." She croaked out.

Catherine immediately poured and offered Sara a glass of cool water. "So I wanted to ask you for a favor." She had decided to approach this in a completely different way than her normal personality would.

"Oh?"

"Yeah…I would appreciate it, believe me it would make certain things simpler, if you would be willing to stay in my guest room while you're still chair bound." Catherine actually wanted her to stay much longer, but was going for baby steps.

Sara immediately felt her ire rise. She wanted to scream and shout at how stupid they had been to allow her to lose her apartment and possessions. Her anger from before was returning, and she desperately wanted to place blame on someone. Instead she swallowed hard and clinched balled her hands into fists. "I guess I have no choice." She stated through gritted teeth. "Thank you." Honestly she had no one to blame but herself for the mess she found herself in. It wasn't Catherine's fault that Sara had made no special arrangements with anyone in case of an emergency. Still it didn't change the fact that Sara wanted to break something.

Catherine was shocked at how simple it had been to get Sara to agree. She had expected shouting on both there parts, followed by Catherine's begging and bribing. If Sara was being so reasonable right now, maybe it was a good time to push the issue of Sara seeing a counselor. "Brilliant! I can take you to all your P.T. except for Wednesday afternoon, but Greg said he'd be happy to take you than. Maybe we can look into setting up some appointments with a counselor as well." She ventured.

"Don't push it."

Shaking her head and smiling slightly, the older CSI decided she should just enjoy her dinner and take on the irate woman another time. "Well it was worth a shot."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N – I appreciate all the reviews. I apologize once again for my spelling and grammar I can never seem to pick up on my own mistakes no matter how often I proofread. _

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Nine**

Sara Sidle stood exposed and naked in front of the full length mirror the steam from her shower still clung to the edges of the reflective glass. Lightly she traced over the angry red scars that littered her frail body. In the three weeks Sara had been away from the hospital she had avoided most mirrors, only occasionally catching glimpses of her face here and there. Between the team, Lindsey, and her doctor appointments she hadn't had a moment to herself. Even her baths had been broken up by Catherine's insistence that she remained outside the door incase Sara needed help. It was annoying and made Sara feel violated to a certain extent. Someone was constantly watching her, and she was at her wits end.

Today however was the second day she was without the chair or a walker. She had managed to convince her therapist and doctor that she was recovered enough to manage on crutches, not wanting to draw more attention to herself than necessary. She hobbled along well enough, and her limbs had regained a moderate amount of strength over the course of her physical therapy. Her body still ached under the strain, and Sara had kept a pretty consistent headache since she woke up. Nothing she took seemed to touch the pounding in her head, and even she began to think it was manifested under stress and not a result of her injuries. Not that Sara would share her theories with anyone, she didn't need them thinking she was any crazier then she suspected they already did.

Now the young CSI was standing in front of Catherine Willows' full length mirror and was studying her array of scars. The most obvious scar was a clean line that flowed vertically down her chest. An obvious reminder of the life saving thorocotomy performed on her by the doctors at Desert Palms. She shuddered at the thought that another person had their entire hand in her chest cavity. Her body was nothing more than a maze of angry red lines some jagged and others perfectly straight, her skin seemed to hang on her too thin frame by nothing more than scar tissue. Sara had never felt as ugly as she did at this very moment. No one would want to look at such a deformed and hideous body.

Before her hand could muffle it a sob escaped her throat. Fat tears rolled down her face as she fell against the far wall and slid painfully to the floor. The cold tile seeped through her nude body and into her very bones, causing her to shudder painfully. Her eyes darted to the bathroom door as she tried and failed to keep her weeping under control. The last thing she wanted was for Catherine or Lindsey to rush in thinking she had fallen. Sara tried to focus on getting her breathing under control and stifling the mewing noises escaping her throat. Inwardly she cursed her weakness.

More and more she felt out of control, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to stop the latest rollercoaster ride her life had taken. When had she become so weak and weepy, it was something she promised herself as a child when she often witnessed her own mother cry and complain about her life; Sara Sidle would not feel sorry for herself. Sara had always tried to keep her head held high. When her father or mother would fight and she would hear objects shattering and bones breaking, Sara would hide in her closet with a flash light and a school book. She would focus on the words and knowledge, intent on acing a future test or quiz. If the battle reached her and she became a casualty, a young Sara would shut her eyes and run prime numbers in her head or attempt long division. At a young age she learned how to distract herself from harsh and violent hands that left bruises and broken bones behind. As her mother violently and viciously stabbed her father, Sara stood stock still watching the scene through unseeing eyes. As the knife left cast off on her clothes, she was running the periodic table through her head. It had been a defense mechanism, one that had worked throughout her life in the system as well as every other hardship she had encountered until Gil Grissom.

Somehow the salt and peppered haired entomologist had managed to crash her system, and she had been unable to reboot. Instead she had tried to escape her pain at the bottom of a bottle. If her mind refused to work, than she decided that she would shut it off, dull it down to such a degree that it could not focus. Instead of calculating a physics equation she would count the empty bottles that littered her living room floor or how many drinks it takes to get to the bottom of a long neck. Than the CSI would become angry that she had turned to something so self destructive and had followed in the footsteps of her father, which led her to believing that she would inevitably follow her mother's footsteps as well. Not only would she be a drunk but a murder as well; she would eventually snap until she found herself standing over a dead body with blood on her hands. She imagined Grissom shaking his head in disgust and looking at her with an expression that plainly stated "_Now do you see why I would never love you?" _

As fate would have it she was now a recovering alcoholic, or at least until she could escape Catherine's. Her injury had forced her into detox; leaving her craving narcotics instead of alcohol to numb her pain. She imagined herself seeking drugs out, unable to function without them. Sara felt it was inevitable for her to fall in to the pitfalls of becoming a drug seeker. Despite her attempts at spacing out her meds and trying to wait longer than what the doctor prescribed, her body was more than ready for a dose. She imagined Catherine as her drug pusher, always scolding her for waiting until her body shook with a sheen of sweat and her stomach churned in time with the pounding in her head before relenting and downing her narcotics.

These morose thoughts had the opposite effect on Sara's uncontrolled sobbing, and her breathing became more erratic. New tears born of past pain and her own shame and weakness bathed her face, following the trail left by those born out of her new scars. Her hands gave up all pretense of stifling her sobbing instead they wrapped themselves around her knees as she curled her body protectively into a fetal position.

Catherine Willows had heard Sara's distress from her own room. At first she tried to ignore it, convincing herself that everyone needed a moment to themselves to cry and get everything out. When the soft crying turned into a full blown sobbing she had burst into the bathroom in fear that Sara may have fallen. She stopped short at the sight of the curled naked body on the tile.

"Sara!?"

Sara did not even look up at the intrusion her eyes remained tightly shut, as if she was trying to hide from her very being.

"Oh Sara…" Catherine fell to her knees and pulled the cold shaking form into her arms. Gently she ran her hands through the brunette's hair as she forced Sara's head into the crook of her neck. Her shirt quickly became soaked through in Sara's tears, her own quickly followed. "…honey…it's okay…let it out."

Despite her anguish Sara allowed the blonde to rock her as she was cradled protectively. Her breath hitched as she feebly fisted the older woman's shirt. "I…I'm…ugly…" She stuttered through sobs and Catherine's shushing. "…addict…drugs…murderer…so ugly…"

Catherine couldn't exactly follow Sara's stifled words, and was unsure if her own words would reassure the woman at this time. Instead she pulled the younger woman in tighter to her own body and continued to rock her. She shushed and muttered "…it's okay honey…" even after she felt Sara calming down and her breathing turning into the deep and slow rhythm of sleep. Catherine wiped at her own eyes with her one hand her other still cradling Sara. "You're not ugly Sara…" She whispered to the sleeping woman "…I think you're the most beautiful women I have ever seen." She placed a gentle kiss on Sara's dark hair.

The CSI III had watched Sara closely since the attack at the crime scene. She found herself enamored by the little things that had eluded her attention before, such as Sara's long thin fingers and the way she would use them to tuck the loose hair behind her ear. Her own day would light up if she was on the receiving end of one of Sara's full blown gap-toothed smiles, especially since they are even rarer than before the incident. Catherine had a lot more time than Sara to get used to the scars on the still recovering body. She had been in the room many times as bandages was dressed and changed on the comatose patient. She had seen open wounds close and heal through time and care as well as witnessed strong muscles turn weak over the three months Sara had been hospitalized. The blonde had witnessed deep purple and black bruises turn into green and yellow until completely fading into pale skin was all that remained. Each scar was a testament to the strength Sara has, and the path she has begun to take on the rode to overcome such pain and heartache; they reminded Catherine that cuts heal and bruises fade. She loved each and every scar except one. If you looked close enough you could still see Matthew Cass's teeth impression on Sara's left breast, it would be a stark reminder of the violation and rape that she had to endure. It was the only scar Catherine wished to remove.

Gently Catherine shook her burden awake until exhausted painful brown eyes blinked up at her. "Come on Sara lets get you into bed."

Nodding Sara set up covering her chest in embarrassment and shame as Catherine wrapped a warm fluffy towel around her and eased her up into a standing position. She allowed the older woman to lead her by the hand to her bedroom and Catherine's guest room.

Catherine led Sara to the bed and pulled the comforter back without losing her connection with the lifeline the young investigator seemed to want to keep between their hands. "Do you feel like getting dressed?" She looked up at the still towel clad woman, who just shrugged in response. "How about I get you a shirt and underwear sweetie?" Sara slowly nodded her mind and body too tired to answer or even think. "Okay." Catherine tried to remove her hand from Sara's, who in turn whimpered and tightened her grip. "I need to get your clothes Sara, I'm not leaving." She tried to reassure the woman.

"Please…" Unshed tears formed in big brown doe eyes as Sara tightened her grip, instinctively wanting the blonde with her. Something deep inside Sara knew that Catherine would protect her tonight, even from herself. "…I need…"

Catherine pulled Sara protectively into her arms and laid her down on the bed before crawling up behind her and pulling the blankets over the still shivering form. Sara's head was cradled against Catherine chest, and her hand once again fisted Catherine's shirt.

"Just go to sleep." Catherine shushed protectively. "I got you Sara."

Sara shifted her body slightly and whimpered as new tears fell. "I'm sorry…I'm such a mess…" She mumbled against the blonde's chest.

"No…don't say that Sara…" Catherine began to rock her burden gently, the same way she did when she comforted Lindsey after a nightmare. "…you've been through a lot hon. You're so strong and brave Sara. Let me be here for you now…give your self a rest…I'll take it from here." She felt the brunette nod against her and moments later felt her even breathing against her neck.

Catherine had expected Sara's eventual breakdown, and was impressed it took three weeks for the young CSI to show that she wasn't as "fine" as she continuously claimed to be. She was grateful that she happened to be home for it, she had feared Sara would lose it when she was home alone, and had taken extra measures to ensure that Sara was never left to her own devices for more than a half hour stretch. Between her and the boys, they had managed to keep up a regular schedule of visitors, insuring that Sara's mind was occupied even if it was thoughts on how to get people to leave her alone and stop inquiring how she was dealing with everything. Catherine felt if she stayed annoyed with them, she wouldn't have a moment to focus on what happened.

It may not have been the best way to approach things, but it was all the older woman could think to do. In hind sight she may have been encouraging Sara to try and bury the pain and memory, and she vowed to be there and talk Sara through what she could. Maybe Catherine could share the burden, and than Sara would stop going into her semi-catatonic states so much. She decided that from now on she would try to get Sara to talk about herself, since the younger woman refused to talk to a therapist maybe Catherine could make herself more available to listen. She may not know the right things to say, and she was certain Sara would mostly yell at her and tell her to leave her alone that she was "fine"; still it couldn't hurt to let her know that she had no intention of abandoning her. No matter how annoyed and angry Sara would make her, Catherine intended to stick it out, and show Sara that she couldn't be pushed away.

"I'm not going anywhere." Catherine whispered as she kissed the top of Sara's head.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of CSI. All characters are property of CBS and its affiliates.**

_A/N- I have every intention of finishing this story. I want to thank those who are sticking with me. This chapter has given me a lot of problems, and I'm not over excited about it, but hopefully it will move us forward in the story. Again I offer my apologies for my horrible spelling and grammar. _

**OVER EXPOSED: Chapter Ten**

Gil Grissom sighed as he ran his hands through his graying unkempt hair. He had been pacing relentlessly in front of Catherine Willows door for the better part of the last hour, anxious to talk to one of his closest confidants and at the same time concerned that the last few months and his action regarding Sara had changed their relationship forever. Despite his nervousness and over all avoidance of both women he found himself outside their currently shared residence. Sucking in a gulp of air he finally found the courage to knock on the front door.

After a few moments Catherine Willows jerked her front door open. "Gil what are you doing banging on my door at five in the morning?" Her blue eyes flashed in anger.

"Catherine, we need to talk." He decided to get right to the point. "Can I come in?"

Catherine rolled her eyes but stepped back and allowed him entrance into her home. Ushering him toward her kitchen, she began preparing a pot of coffee, doubting she would get back to sleep anytime soon. "Coffee?"

"Please." He sighed.

"So talk." She gestured toward him as she retrieved two mugs from her cabinet.

"I'm going away for a bit and I need you to resume the supervisor position until I return." Grissom casually stated, hoping she wouldn't ask question but knowing she would.

The blonde CSI gaped at him for a moment, before crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. "Does this have anything to do with Sara?"

"Of course not Catherine, you know me better than that. I have to take care of something personal." He poured the coffee into both of the mugs and handed her one.

"Something personal, huh? Well you're going to have to do better than that if you are waking me up at five in the morning." Catherine sipped at her coffee as she positioned herself on a stool at her kitchen bar.

"It's personal Catherine…" he started before shaking his head in defeat, arguing with the feisty blonde was pointless and he was tired "…I have to have surgery and need time to recover."

"Is this about your hearing?" She asked knowingly.

For a moment he looked at her his eyebrow slightly raised in confusion. "Yes, was it so obvious?"

"No but I know you Gil." She left it at that. "How long?"

"Two weeks maybe three at the most. I have a good chance, the doctors are confident." He sat his mug down. "I'd prefer this stays between us."

"It will; do you have someone to help you after the surgery?"

"I'm going to recover at my mother's home; I have been meaning to visit her for a while now." His eyes shifted to the living room landing on Sara's walker. "How's Sara?"

"As well as can be accepted, she's on crutches though refuses to use the walker at all. Sara s tough Gil, physically she is recovering at a remarkable rate."

"What about emotionally?"

Catherine twisted her mug nervously. "She gets by day to day." She almost told him about her breakdown the night before in the shower, but shook her head at the thought; not wanting to break the younger woman's confidence. "She just needs time to deal with what has happened to her, and I don't just mean this year. Because of her slight amnesia she is dealing with everything as freshly as if it just happened, memories that I'm sure she has repressed and ignored." Catherine wiped away the few tears that had spilled; she couldn't help but get a bit weepy when thinking about what Sara Sidle had experienced in her lifetime.

Grissom handed her his hankie. "Is she still going into that catatonic state?" When he heard from Nick about Sara staring off into space he had been concerned; not only for Sara's health but for her job. If she got a psychological blemish on her record she would likely not be able to work in the field anymore.

Catherine frowned as she dabbed at her face. "Yeah, it just comes out of nowhere. I try to convince her to seek treatment, but she really has a strong dislike to psychiatrist; actually she seems to hate any and all medical professionals."

The entomologist nodded in understanding. "If anyone can convince her, you can Catherine."

Smirking Catherine handed him back his now wet hankie. "I couldn't convince you to see her."

"I saw her, she doesn't want me." He blurted out before he could stop himself.

The blonde studied the man before her. His faced showed the stress of the last few months, and she was certain he wasn't eating or resting as well as he needed to be. "When did you speak with her, and why am I just hearing this now?"

Waving her off Gil turned toward the door. "It's not important, she made her feelings known. I'm not coming in tonight; have fun doing all the paperwork." He smirked a little and let himself out.

Catherine sighed and shook her head in misery. She had no doubt that he left her a lot more paperwork than necessary and she already felt a headache forming. Rubbing her temples in frustration she gulped more of her coffee. She felt more awake now and she really didn't feel like trying to sleep more.

* * *

Nick Stokes shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "How long do you think you'll be?"

"Not long, two hours maybe." Catherine reassured her friend. "She's still asleep Nick, she's exhausted so you'll probably not even see her. Just hang out for a bit, I need to run a few errands."

"Yeah, okay…just don't be too long." He ran his hands through his shortened hair.

Catherine rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Jesus Nick, Sara's your friend stop acting like it's a chore."

"I'm not…it's just…I hate seeing her like this…"

"You think I don't? Do you think she's having a picnic?" She snatched up her bag and turned toward door. "Stop being so selfish Nick!"

Nick sighed in defeat as the front door slammed closed. He didn't mean to be so hard on Sara, he just missed how they use to be able to sit and chat together. He missed the younger woman's laughter more than he imagined he ever would. It was depressing to see his once energetic friend so scarred and timid; not to mention her space outs. It was almost cruel to have to watch her, he felt as if her was invading her privacy.

Resigned for the moment he tried to focus on the TV, flicking through the various channels at lighting fast speed. The only solace he found was that cable television would always be ready to numb the brain with endless amounts of useless fodder. Nick was just getting into a nice rhythm when he heard a crash coming from the bedroom.

Startled, he sprinted toward the source of the noise to find a semi naked Sara crouched on the floor by the bed. "Sara!?"

The brunette lifted her head, a frown etched on her face. "I was trying to climb back up into the bed." Her eyes welled up in embarrassment, not only for her current state of undress, which consisted of a towel and nothing else, but also to be found out by Nick. Of all the people to witness this it had to be the one that was the most uncomfortable around her next to Gil Grissom. "I'm sorry."

Nick gently lifted her up on to the bed, carefully wrapping the towel around her. "It's okay Sara, it's not a problem."

"No it's not okay…nothing's okay! How can you say that? It's not even that high off the floor!" She fisted the sheets in anger. "I'm a fucking ugly gimp who can't even crawl into a bed without help!"

"Sara you are not a gimp, you're healing. Jesus, give yourself a break, you can't expect it all to be normal so soon!" Nick felt his own anger rising at the situation.

Glaring, Sara threw her arms up. "I notice you didn't refute the ugly part. Admit it Nick, I'm dirty…a tainted dirty whore with scars!"

"I see you're throwing yourself a pity party Sara, glad I was invited!" His own anger at the situation had pushed him over the edge.

Mouth gaping in shock, Sara stared at Nick wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry…that was out of line." Nick reached out for the brunette to have his hands slapped away.

"Go fuck yourself Nick." Sara seethed; her voice low with forced control.

"Sara…I'm sorry…" He ran his hands over his face in shame; his own eyes welled up in tears. "I didn't mean it…you know I didn't."

Sara lips tightened in frustration and rage. "Get out."

"Sara…please…"

"Get out."

"No. You can't force me to leave. Right now you are going to listen to me. I was wrong to say what I did, especially how I said it. I just don't like hearing you say those things about yourself, you are a beautiful and strong woman…nothing that has happened to you or will happen to you will change that." He stepped toward the bed his arms stretched out meekly. "Those scars that mar your body are testaments to that fact Sara."

Reaching out he lightly traced a slight scar crossing her eyebrow, ignoring her flinch. "This scar right here, it lifts your eyebrow up just a bit. When I see it I'm drawn to your beautiful brown eyes, and that scar there…" He gently touched the top of the scar on her chest. "That scar reminds me of how close I came to losing one of my friends no…family…and just how precious you are to me."

"I don't want you reminded of that Nicky; I don't want you to remember that."

"Well I do Sara; I want to remember, because I took you for granted. I took everyone for granted, but I won't anymore. Your scar is making me a better person a better friend, and maybe it's selfish of me to appreciate something you distaste so much…maybe it is, but I can't help it."

Sara sniffled as she finally let Nick cradle her in his arms. "What about the future Nick, not everyone appreciates scars like you do."

"Honestly Sara I can't tell you the future but I can promise you that if you meet the right person those marks will not make a difference." He kissed the top of her head. "I meant it when I said you are beautiful, anyone would be lucky to have you."

"I'm so tired you know…I'm just…tired…" She trailed off.

"Go to sleep than, I'll protect you."

"My knight in shining armor?" She quipped.

Nick chuckled. "Something like that."

"No offence Nick but Catherine is softer." Sara settled her head on his chest.

"Plushier too I bet!"


End file.
